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[Sana]

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(Please vote for the following entry with a Yes or No)


Two ladies no longer ladies

The ladies themselves died out in Montrock County Reservoir, about a hundred yards from the water, though their articles and personals were strung about in a hasty fashion all along the fence leading to the road. Old Thompson Stuart found them, first the pieces then the more recognisable carrion, and the police thought he had done it. He spat and cursed and wished them all a place in hell but he was cleared by the county medical examiner and the forensic unit from the city a few miles distant. The ladies had been shot once in the head each and Old Thompson Stuart had none of that powder residue on his hands but I remember my grandfather once told me about him and how the Marines had trained him to fight with his knees and I think if he can kill a man with his knees he can kill a couple of ladies from the city up a few miles distant with his legs and his toes and a big revolver like the one he inherited from his relatives, some of whom fought in the Civil War and some of whom make a living selling off such relics as the revolver and the navy-blue coats of gentlemen at arms. He never did like women, or certain parts of them above the neckline, and I know for a fact he's a mean sumbitch when he feels like it and cleverer than a rattler in a micehole and the forensic unit from the city a few miles distant never would think to check his feet as bad as they stink, what with him working in the mud all day. But what are you going to do.

[Father Luke]

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I don't like reading things where there is no white space.

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Writing has a beauty to it. A look. There are rules, and forms, and no matter how
much thought has gone into any writing, if I am going to be reading it, I want to
have an easy time of it.

That is not to say that I want easy reading. Far from it. Let's take an example in
another form. Music.

Sure. Punk rock has loudness to it. But good punk has a flow, a feel, a rhythm all
it's own. That's why bad punk is really bad, and not worth listening to.

So. Let's give the author that the formatting didn't carry well from Word, or
whatever, to poasting in a forum.


What do we have.

The ladies themselves died out in Montrock County Reservoir, about a hundred
yards from the water, though their articles and personals were strung about in a
hasty fashion all along the fence leading to the road.

Look at that first line. It starts off well. Soon it drifts. There is intrigue,
mystery, death, earthy Americana... Old Thompson Stuart with his spitting, his
cursing, and his stinking feet. I like the writing, well enough.


But? No white space. And?

The loss is one dimensional. Death.



No.

[redperil]

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Yes

[Ġakbu]

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What were the sparse commas in aid of; at times, it almost seemed like a news report. It felt, also, like a quickly-uttered conversation; perhaps it could have done better as such.

No.

[Lolita Twist]

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No.

[Jenifer]

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I like this.  It has character, balls and a character.

Yes.

[Vincent Turner]

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I agree with father lukes comments about white space and it bieng hard to read but I enjoyed the read so YES