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[redperil]

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I'm leaving, and I'm taking Harold the dog, or perhaps Harold is taking me, but either way, we are leaving. You have grown fat upon the couch and the dog no longer holds any respect for you. You can keep the fish, the fish has no need for respect.

I am leaving, and I'm taking your wife. You should have seen it coming. I left your newspaper and slippers by the kitchen table. I hope you don't mind, but I took the job section, I have a family to support now. No hard feelings.

Harold and Maude have left. It's just you and me now, I think it might be for the best. If you need to talk you know where I am. I still love you, but you need to love yourself again. Your mother called, but I couldn't get to the phone. She left a message. Can you get some more fish food while you're out?

I expected it of her, but I thought we were best friends? I'm not bitter, I just wish it hadn't ended this way. The fish died last week. I think I forgot to feed him. Do you know where my tennis ball is?



**Feeling down today, so wrote this to cheer me up. A separation from 4 perspectives 1.the wife 2.the dog. 3.the fish 4.the husband. Better go, I think the Nobel Prize comittee are calling...

[caljones]

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very intersting

[Sana]

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very intersting interesting

 

[caljones]

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no intersting. that's how i pronounce it. lol

[Sana]

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rp, i think this was a very creative take on 'leaving' 

i am going to go and write suicide notes to myself.

[redperil]

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however you say it, I'm glad you found it interesting.

I had to hold myself back from going into la-la-lally land with the idea.

Sana, please post those notes

[caljones]

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you mean you have more? do post.

[Sana]

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I will, once I 'm done slaughtering the semi-colons in my sentences. I like the sight of blood...

[wael_nawara]

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I loved this.

... the dog no longer holds any respect for you. You can keep the fish, the fish has no need for respect.

That's why he died. He thought he didn't. But he did. More than the dog because of anatomical shortcomings.

... Your mother called, but I couldn't get to the phone.

Subtly realizing one's limitations.
 

I expected it of her, but I thought we were best friends?

How could he arrived at such an expectation? The "monthly season of smelling blood" can never be traded for humor, good-company or even male-to-male beer-bonding sessions. Not with those compulsive nosy urges.

Genetics always win.

:::

An excellent piece.

Best


W

[redperil]

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Thanks W  I'm quite please with it, I restrained myself

[Brecht]

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This is stunning. A critique will be up soon; great to see another one of your pieces.


The dog, as already said, is slightly redundant. In order to obtain subtlety, perhaps mention a leash, some routine of walking.

The second reminded me of a Family Guy episode, heh. Not sure where to put that perspective.

Personally, the third and fourth seem strained, even desperate with the mentions of related objects. Could do with extensions but the apparent nudges work poorly.

Enjoyed the idea in itself thoroughly. Lovely read.

[TC]

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I'm leaving, and I'm taking Harold the dog, or perhaps Harold is taking me, but either way, we are leaving.

I'm not sure that the wife would need to state that Harold is the dog.  She knows he's the dog.  The husband knows he's the dog.  Hell, the fish probably knows too.  Let the reader figure it out through the clues in the text.  Makes the reader feel smart.

I like that you wrote the scene from different perspectives, cool idea.  But, I didn't quite get it until you stated this was what you were doing. 

[redperil]

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This is stunning. A critique will be up soon; great to see another one of your pieces.

Thanks, I struggle on!

[redperil]

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I'm not sure that the wife would need to state that Harold is the dog.  She knows he's the dog.  The husband knows he's the dog.  Hell, the fish probably knows too.  Let the reader figure it out through the clues in the text.  Makes the reader feel smart.

I like that you wrote the scene from different perspectives, cool idea.  But, I didn't quite get it until you stated this was what you were doing. 

Probably was a bit false for the wife to refer to the dog in that way, seeing as there is no indication that there was another dog. Having said that, when I was younger my mum always referred to our dog as 'Chips the dog' (although friends nicknamed him Cheaps for his love of a good leg to shake down). I'll relent and admit that I just liked the way it sounded.

The title is a clue to the perspectives, but one of my concerns was that people might not get it. I probably shouldn't have explained to see if it had worked for others.

This was posted a few months back, but I thank you both for stopping by.

[Courier]

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I know that you posted this 'a few months back' but you're still active so this can't do a lot of harm.   

I didn't like it so much as I found it interesting.    It was light-hearted, though the theme might not be and you've talent as you're able to do that.  

One slight problem I had was with:

You can keep the fish, the fish has no need for respect.   

This piece of writing is impulsive, patterned like thoughts, so when I looked back on this sentence it was sort of a x = y thing.    You draw sentences otherwise not related together, so this x = y sentence didn't seem fitting, and I was perhaps looking for something more.   .   .   spontaneous?

My thoughts, anyway.    Nice work.