February 2009 - lostpoem aka Sana vs. Jenifer

Jenifer: Hey Sana!

Sana: Hey, lol. So we made it here.

Jenifer: Yes. Did you bring the flowers?

Sana: Yes, right here. They’re the pink ones. I plucked them from my neighbor’s backyard.

Jenifer: First off, tell me your name, date of birth or how old you are if that's not offensive to you, where you live... you know... those things.

Sana: Sure. I’ll start with the name, which is, Sana Rafiq, I was born on December 13, 1985, right about somewhere in the afternoon, in Saudi Arabia, (my heritage is Indian though, Gandhi Indian) and I’ve been in Massachusetts since the past 4 yrs. I live in a little town called Southbridge.

Jenifer: Did you come to America four years ago? Or just move to Massachusetts four years ago?

Sana: No, I moved to America 4 years ago.

Jenifer: Interesting. How was that for you? Culture shock? Is it tough being from Saudi Arabia and coming to the United States after 911? Have you experienced racism? Please let me know if my questions are out of line. I am truly curious.

Sana: Well not really a culture shock, since my family was already culturally mixed, and having grown up in Saudi, I used to have friends like from all over the globe, so cultural shock wasn't really what happened. I think I just missed that huge part of my life in which I had been raised, my extended family who still live there, my friends, neighbors and such. But I did not experience any racism. I think 9/11 wasn’t an issue at all, despite me having come from a country such as Saudi Arabia, the people were pretty friendly and nice, besides when I arrived in America, just about 2 months later my older brother got married to his girlfriend and we kind of intermingled with his in-laws. And you can ask me anything lol I really don’t mind.

Jenifer: Laughing. Good. Same here. Are you in school? How do you like living in the United States? Massachusetts? I've never been there...

Sana: Brr its cold is all I can say lol.

Jenifer: Laughing. It's cold in Portland too.

Sana: I've a masters in education, (instruction & curriculum design) from University of Phoenix. And no, I don’t work yet.

Jenifer: Wow.

Sana: I am just a bum. I like to stay at home, read and write. And learn French. lol

Jenifer: Are you still in school? Do you have any plans for working?

Sana: No I was done last year. It took me 11 months to get my masters. lol My dad's pushing me for a PhD. but I am kind of making up my mind. Eventually I want to teach but not yet. I feel very illiterate as of now.

Jenifer: A degree is always a good thing. I don't think you can really go wrong getting more education. Who do you like to read?

Sana: You're right, of course. Hmm I like to read classic literature (Dickens, Eliot, Woolfe… dunno if that's classic) to modern day fiction like Daniel Steel, Stephen King, Henry Miller, etc etc, However, currently I am reading Proust.

Jenifer: Do you write more fiction, poetry, both, or what?

Sana: Well just poetry and journaling...however someday fiction.

Jenifer: I like to read your blog. You are very eloquent and intelligent.

Sana: Aww lol my blog http://lostpoem.wordpress.com/ is the only entity that will sit patiently to hear me talk.

Jenifer: Laughing. I would sit patiently and listen to you talk.

Sana: Are you sure? You would eventually replace my mom then.

Jenifer: Laughing again.

Sana: Somehow, she still puts up with me. So do I get to ask you questions too?

Jenifer: Yes, yes. See how well I throw them at you so I confuse you and make you think you don't get to ask any?

Sana: Indeed. But I figured I better get out before being totally cornered. So, tell me, what inspired you to begin writing or pushed you into the literary direction?

Jenifer: Well, lessee... I grew up in a strange household. My family was dysfunctional at best. Combine that with an early attraction to the sublime and eventually I started writing. My first love has always been poetry. For me, writing fiction is like pulling teeth. I was really pushed into it in high school, though, when I had an excellent literature teacher who saw something special in me and made a point of bringing my potential to my attention. Until then I had been happy getting drunk on the weekends with my boyfriend and his friends and dropping lsd.

Sana: Ah, I see, I have no patience for fiction, even the books I read, I tend to skip the pages and jump to the last page just to get a peek and figure out the ending, but I do come back to finish the book though in its natural order. That’s wonderful you had such an inspiring teacher, back in high school. I had an English teacher who somehow reminded me of a female fox, or do they call them vixen? She was a sly creature, and I was afraid of her. I hid my writing from everyone until I got out of high school. lol. And my mom let out the secret. So there- I was busted.

Jenifer: How did she let out the secret?

Sana: My mom knew I kept diaries, where I wrote everyday...mostly to escape into my la-la land, or just to talk to myself through writing my thoughts down. She just told my dad one day that his daughter was writing poetry and he might like to read them sometime. Lol. I was such a recluse I did not want to share anything however, so I just warded him off with excuses.

Jenifer: It sounds like you have a very close relationship with your mom. I'm jealous.

Sana: lol. Yeah kind of. We've both grown up together it seems. She was very young when she got married and so we've been friends.

Jenifer: How many siblings do you have?

Sana: I have three brothers. I 'm the second child. And you?

Jenifer: So one of four. So am I. Two brothers and a sister, though. And I'm the youngest.

Sana: I see, are you the youngest Dang. Lol. Ok. I was typing my question and you wrote that. Mind reader.

Jenifer: Laughing. So what pushed you into Literature? Why and what do you want to teach?

Sana: Teaching is an outlet for continued creativity. If I teach, it will appear like oh I am busy with something mundane ha-ha, and in the meantime, I can work on my writing interests.

Jenifer: Laughing. That's kind of how I feel. Also I sort of want to help kids. What do you want to teach? At what level?

Sana: Well it would definitely have to be something related to writing/english/literature. And college level. I can’t see myself interacting with younger kids, I would ugghh have no patience. I would prefer old people who have reached a certain level of mental understanding in order to be able to interact with them.

Jenifer: I'm with you on that one. I'm thinking high school or college. I love my children, but I have had quite enough of little kids for a while.

Sana: Yes, it is an altogether different pleasure when you have someone intellectually mature to talk to.

Jenifer: It's true. I think that's one of the things that led me to the internet and ultimately to Mary, to interact with other adults.

Sana: Oh and I love your kids they absolutely cute. I have a weakness for cute things/people.

Jenifer: Laughing. Want one?

Sana: Sure. heheh

Jenifer: Laughing again.

Sana: Send ‘em over in a package. dhl maybe. Don’t forget to pack them some food.

Jenifer: Oh, I'll throw in some crackers. So how about you. Boyfriend? Hmm?

Sana: Sorry I cut you off back there...what were you saying?

Jenifer: I'm sure nothing important.

Sana: Me? Ahem. not really.

Jenifer: Not really? Are you going to offend someone?

Sana: But I like someone. No. ha-ha.

Jenifer: Laughing again. You are so pretty and so smart and funny and well... overall cool. I cannot believe you aren't taken.

Sana: I am. Well kind of, I kind of closed the deal with a guy, and I picked him out a couple of years ago. I was like ok, I am going to marry him. but I had other commitments to keep. So in 2-3 yrs will marry him. But I like someone else too. So there. I am not monogamous it seems.

Jenifer: I see. What do you mean by 'picking him out.' Is there a shop somewhere that you can pick men that everyone has been keeping a secret from me? Any chance the other guy will steal you away from the first guy? Am I way too nosy?

Sana: No hehe. Not at all. The first deal was sealed pretty nicely. The second guy is my intellectual soul mate. I am so bad.

Jenifer: Naw, just human.

Sana: LOL. Yeah. Well no to be serious, yes I am taken. But no plans to marry anytime soon.

Jenifer: It must be tough. I mean here you are in a position to begin your life. Degree, potential job and all that. Do you ever think to yourself, why get married?

Sana: Well not really. I am a strange person, changing countries never made a difference to me...somehow, my mental country remains the same...so not a lot of difference. People and emotions make more impact on me as opposed to geographical distances. Somehow, the idea of just settling down in one place freaks me out and is claustrophobic. maybe because of never having belonged anywhere ...I still like to visit India ...but I don’t want to live their forever either.

Jenifer: Understood. I've never traveled much. I settled down before I was ready. I figure though, I will travel when I'm older. I try to remember to appreciate what I have and stay strong in the faith that there is still much to experience.

Sana: Smiling. Some days I used to wish I could be like everyone else and not have to think where I’ll be in the next 3-4 yrs...or how I can’t predict anything in my future. But soon I began to cultivate this sense of uncertainty in my favor and begin to live in the moment rather than plan etc etc. But I always end up learning a lot…from whatever happens.

Jenifer: Me too. I'm confused though. Why do you have to think where you'll be in the next 3-4 years? I mean, in a way isn't everyone concerned with the next 3-4 years?

Sana: Because I am a paranoid creature. I HAVE to know. Lol.

Jenifer: Laughing again. Alright your turn for questions.

Sana: Ah. so are you straight, by? Just kidding.

Jenifer: Laughing!

Sana: Couldn’t think of anything.

Jenifer: No, you can totally ask that.

Sana: My mind likes to be in the gutter occasionally. How many times have you been in love?

Jenifer: I am straight. I have maybe been curious about women a couple of times, which were not bad experiences but led to a definite understanding that I am straight. I've been in love love probably twice. Maybe three times. A couple times, I thought it was love for quite a while only to find out it wasn't.

Sana: Oh, I see. I tend idolize the people I admire sometimes. Its not love, love, but like gazing at a star far away and being captivated by its light, however loving is scary sometimes and I am also a chicken a lot of the times, it takes courage to stand up to one's feelings.

Jenifer: Yes it does. I have horrible, horrible abandonment issues. I am rather hard to love.

Sana: Oh god. That sucks. I understand.

Jenifer: My mom died when I was in my twenties. Around your age actually. And it fucked me up pretty badly. I'm starting to come to terms with it. But it also changed me, made me less trusting. That and weathering a certain amount of abuse has made it hard for me to trust people.

Sana: How did you lose her?

Jenifer: She died of cancer.

Sana: I am sorry. That must have been very hard. Did having a sister help you when she was not there anymore?

Jenifer: It was hard. I had just come to a point in my life where my mom and I could really be friends. Oh yah. My sister gosh. My sister saved my life really. I had just had my first child. I wouldn't have known what to do without her. We're very close now. She is the coolest woman ever. So smart and funny. She has three children of her own. I love her very much.

Sana: That’s wonderful. Does she write too? Or are you the only Emily Dickinson in the family.

Jenifer: She doesn't write so much as she is a reader. I get all my best books from her. We like to read similar things. She has a blog: http://canireadthatafteryou.blogspot.com/ My niece named it. She writes reviews of the books she reads. She's going to start doing some for the newsletter for us, I probably forgot to tell you ms. editor in chief.

Sana: That would be really nice. I wont have to go around worrying how lean the newsletter is haha. Is she a member yet at LiteraryMary?

Jenifer: Laughing. I know. I think I have her signed on to work on the journal this spring too, which I would also love it if you would do. Yah, she is Thursday Next. She's really shy about posting though. She likes to read the fiction page on her lunch break.

Sana: Oh, that’s her. Well I did wish her on her birthday then.

Jenifer: Laughing.

Sana: Why shy? She has not been initiated into the rites of LiteraryMary perhaps. Send her over and I will baptize her.

Jenifer: Laughing. I'll link her to this and maybe we can flood her out.

Sana: Maybe she might yell and never come back. Hehe.

Jenifer: I doubt it. She never yells.

Sana: Lol I see. Btw that looks like a lovely blog. I’ll be adding it in the newsletter blog list.

Jenifer: Awesomeness. So you've been doing the newsletter for a while now. How has that experience been? You stepped right into that position.

Sana: Yes. To my surprise, I stumbled upon LiteraryMary from craigslist, ha-ha, and found that you guys needed an editor. I thought I might give it a shot, since I love writing etc. So far, it has been a great experience. With every newsletter that I turn out, I learn something new… I am always trying to make it visually as well as readership wise, appealing.

Jenifer: I felt bad. I screwed up the admin column so bad last time. But I couldn't ask you to fix it again... Is there anything you'd like to request for the newsletter, now that you have an oh so captivated audience?

Sana: Ha-ha sure. Guys please don’t be shy to contribute. I don’t bite, nor am I ever critical of anyone's work.

Jenifer: What are you looking for in particular?

Sana: Hmm well, anything, from general ideas to rants, or simply little stories, random tidbits, for some times I end up using my own stuff that I post in my blog in the newsletter for content. It has worked so far. I would encourage members to just write and no worry so much about style form or content. Our life is a work of art in progress, the more you can capture it the better

Jenifer: You know, you got out of the love question area too easily now that I look back. How many times have you been in love? And are you bi? Laughing!

Sana: ha-ha. Ah well I am straight, a little curious about women but never experimented. I have been in love hmm twice. I thought it had been thrice, but the first time was a mere infatuation, an intellectual crush that was overcome soon enough.

Jenifer: Yah funny how you can think it's love when it's not. You mentioned one of your men being your intellectual what did you say? Equal? What does it take to be your intellectual equal and what do you look for in a man?

Sana: Hmm my intellectual equal would be someone who connects with me not merely as a guy would to a girl, but someone who has the capability to think beyond the boundaries of our petty everyday existence to something higher, something that is a purpose for which we all human beings live for and ...which is generally a pain in all our asses. Ok its kind of abstract, the concept I mean, lol but I’m trying to bring it down to a level where I can explain to you.

Jenifer: I am grasping, but I am hanging. So tell me then, what would be the purpose all beings live for? And are you religious?

Sana: Uh no. I would hardly call myself religious, if you got inside my mind accidentally ever, you would notice my brain leans towards unconventional ideas and points of view. However, I respect my religion but I tend to speak my mind. And to answer your second question or rather the first one, I guess we all live to validate our existence, like you and I know we exist, but to prove that point, to make our presence known, we tend to assert our identities, which narrows down to individuality and ...self-identification with whatever we may believe in. Phew. That was a mouthful. Btw I am not so serious as I may seem. Ha-ha

February 2009 - lostpoem aka Sana vs. Jenifer

Jenifer: I've been inside your mind. And wow. That second part is incredible. I think there are many clashes that happen when people try to assert their identities. Would you say your philosophy is more like live and let live?

Sana: Yes. Bingo. You hit it. Lol. That’s what I believe in. and consequently live in peace. The bottom line is acceptance, to accept that the other person has as much right to be themselves as much we would like to be who we are.

Jenifer: I agree. I don't have much religion, never have. But I do understand that some people are very religious. I think it is okay for people to have opinions that differ severely from mine, especially when they are passionate about them. I don't like to judge people based on their beliefs, I don't like to judge people at all... rather I like to watch people... their actions.

Sana: I know what you mean. As a child, I had a habit of observing other people and consequently understanding the weird dynamic web of human psychology. However, talking about religion, I consider myself spiritual, because believing in myself or my actions/decisions is more an act of faith than making it a compulsory point to pray everyday. Etc. I by no means condemn rituals since they are a means to a spiritual end too; however everyone has their own method of achieving that certain balance.

Jenifer: The older I get the more tolerance I have for people. Everyone needs to do what they feel like they need to do...
Sana: Judging is a very negative thing. It pretty much clouds our mind from any rational thought.

Sana: You said it – tolerance. We should all promote that instead of global warming for a change.

Jenifer: Laughing. I wonder if we would have less global warming if we had more tolerance. Maybe they should just let you and I run the country? You be president though. You're so much more articulate.

Sana: Yeah! Good idea. You could be president and I vice president. ha-ha

Jenifer: I just said you president!

Sana: ha-ha. I have stage fright. Hahahaha. My knees will be wobbling. Unless the audience is LM members.

Jenifer: Hmm... We both have stage fright. Maybe we could pull it off if we used a man as president, or maybe a doctor.

Sana: Oh man.

Jenifer: Know any?

Sana: Hmm...Why a doctor? Then we'd have the issue of slutty nurses to deal with.

Jenifer: Laughing again!

Sana: And someone would write a book about the doctor who porked a nurse. And it will be a bestseller.

Jenifer: That's what I'm expecting you to do.

Sana: ha-ha

Jenifer: My typing tonight...

Sana: You fingers are wobbly too, Take it easy, we' haven’t even started the campaign. Wait till you gotta give that damn speech.

Jenifer: Shit hell. You have to give the speech. My voice gets all shaky.

Sana: Ahem. Ok, if I get to wear dark glasses. and ...and...a Dracula cape!

Jenifer: Oh, that is hott.

Sana: Yah, with lots of white powder on my face and some black nail polish.

Jenifer: lostpoem - goth version. pixx plz.
Sana: What will you wear? Thong?

Jenifer: Laughing again! Ohmygod no.

Sana: ha-ha. Wait, I know, you could wear...a smurf costume. Be blue. All cuddly. I could push you off stage and you wouldn’t break a bone. Well I am getting all sadistic here.

Jenifer: You're going to push me off stage? You could push me off LiteraryMary.

Sana: Oh no.

Jenifer: I'll give it to you. I’m getting old.

Sana: Ha-ha. I am too young to take on such responsibility.

Jenifer: Yes, soon I will need large text.

Sana: Ha-ha. Glasses already?

Jenifer: I do have glasses.

Sana: I am wearing them too. Lately when I wake up I cant see anything...its like...being in a dream.

Jenifer: Me too. You're young too.

Sana: You should eat more carrots and stop masturbating.

Jenifer: Laughing so hard. Sana you are so funny!

Sana: That’s a myth though. (I HOPE) Or I am in for some serious blindness.

Jenifer: Laughing again. It is a myth. Otherwise, all men would be blind.

Sana: Oh only men? What happened to us ladies? Le carrot helps too. I mean down there.

Jenifer: I'm being totally sexist, I know. I should know better.

Sana: Naw. It’s ok.

Jenifer: Laughing so hard. Cucumber. !!!

Sana: Yew. Never done it. I ate my carrot later though. I like to recycle.

Jenifer: Ohhhhhhhhhhh. Dayum.

Sana: lololz. Oh, man I hope this part gets edited out.

Jenifer: Laughing! Don't worry I’ll send it to you for approval.

Sana: Ok lol. You can save the original for your pleasure.

Jenifer: I'll need it. Alright I need to make some dinner... I think we can call this good...

Sana: Yep. Thanks for the laughs. Bon appetite Cherie.

Jenifer: Any last words? Shout outs?

Sana: Ha-ha. Last words? Not really. Maybe le carrot part will work.

Jenifer: Laughing. Okay. Talk soon then.

Sana: Okay. Bye!

Jenifer: Bye. xxx