July 2009 - Father Luke vs. Jenifer

Father Luke: Why are you closing LiteraryMary, Jenifer?

Jenifer: That is a huge question to start with. First off, I don't think of it as 'me', I think of it as 'we' because well, that's how I think of everything we do at LiteraryMary. However, I can only speak for myself, at least that's what others have told me. I would say, for my part, LiteraryMary is closing because I have discovered how to be happy, and for the moment, pursuing that happiness has become the most important thing to me. How about you, Father Luke? Why are you closing LiteraryMary?

Father Luke: Babysitting adults is embarrassing, and a complete waste of my time.

Jenifer: Yes, I understand what you are saying. We've heard a lot about how we're making too much of that, though. What do you say to the idea that we are being too dramatic or that it's really not that hard a job?

Father Luke: Cunts. How about those Lakers, huh?

Jenifer: Well, you know what I think about the Lakers. I love your mom. That's what I have to say about that. However, you can't just start out by throwing this big huge question at me and then go giving me one word answers.

Father Luke: Sure I can. Look up forum in the dictionary. Look up workshop in the dictionary. Mary was none of that. Oh, you and I have plans for the domain of LiteraryMary, but it is forever changed. I spent the better part of eight hours a day, sometimes more, being technical support for the site. When I signed on in November, I knew virtually nothing about the software used to run the forum. Now? I have that bitch twisted inside out, begging for release, and I only whip her and laugh. Haw. Haw. Haw. I can make Mary do things now she only masturbated about in private about before. But to what end?

When I came to Mary, there was discussion in Staff about Linton Robinson. Oh. Linton is this way, and that, and no one can stop him. I went to him in the forum and asked him to participate in some manner other than promoting his services and products. He told me literally to fuck off. I came back with, "Well why don't you crawl over here and lick your Daddy's shit off my dick".

Hey? Fuck off is kind of. . . bland. At least my retort had some ginger in it. Well. Apparently the staff at Mary had never seen writing like that, and it caused quite a stir. Eventually Linton quit, much to the glee of everyone on staff. That set a precedent. I didn't take kindly to trolls.

But the thing is that Mary was filled with disruptions like Linton Robinson, who as it turns out, is a three strike criminal in California, and is not allowed here in the state. He is also a professional internet troll. I stared him down. He left. I stared down a lot of Boogey Men at Mary. Eventually there was no one left except people who were writers, and were using Mary as a workshopping forum. There was a good foundation of people, and the staff was superb. Mary had become a writing forum. Then we had Ariana Rink. (Fluffing dandruff off my shoulders).

When Jeremy approached you and I to ask about the work which Mirror had put up for crit here at Mary, he came to us with respect. You and he and Mirror and I had a meeting of the minds, and it was determined that Ariana Rink's work, across the internet - including Lulu.com - had been stolen from many internet writing sites including Mary. You and I presented the evidence, and made no accusations. We simply presented the facts. Later, when the facts had been presented, everyone had an opportunity to voice an opinion. So, while many things have been happening at Mary - there is no one "cause" as to why Mary is changing. Other than it makes right fucking good sense to me that it is changing.

Jenifer: I want to talk about this 'change', but let's put that aside for a moment. I want it to be clear that we did offer Ariana ample time to reply to the accusations against her and she never did. I'm going to ask you a question that I loathe. And you know how I feel about it. But what do you say about the accusations that you 'drove all the good members, or whatever, away from Mary'?

Father Luke: Like Linton Robinson.

Jenifer: Yah, but it's more than that. If you'd prefer you could ask me the same question and let me answer it.

Father Luke: That sounds like an agenda. In Robert's Rules of Order I think this is where I would say that I relinquish my time to you. I'd like to hear what you have to say.

Jenifer: Okay. When you took over the job of tech admin, I was in a world of hurt, because when our previous tech admin left she also quit doing the work on the journal she had been assigned, including layout and financial backing. If I am correct, you got blamed for her leaving

Father Luke: I believe I fell on that grenade. Yes.

Jenifer: After that, we had a look at the site together. Neither of us much liked the direction we were headed. There was a lot of staff, and no one was really doing anything. No one was critiquing, no one was taking any initiative. I was doing a lot of work, too much work. I was stressed out. Every other day I was saying I needed a break. And so you began asking staff, what do you do here? Much of staff was like who the fuck are you? Well, you were co-owner and administrator, and you were putting long hours in as tech admin. I thought it was a valid question. People began coming to me asking me to put you in line or something, giving me the ultimatum to choose between them or you. It wasn't hard for me to decide, because I don't like ultimatums and well, you were working, hard, besides the fact that you were bringing in an assload of new members. So somehow, you ended up taking the blame for me telling people to go and don't let the door hit them in the ass on the way out.

Father Luke: Well, but I say fuck and I call men cunts.

Jenifer: Yes I know that's what you say. I think that's partially why you are such an easy target. Your motherfucking foul mouth. What do you say to that?

Father Luke: I say that I find it ridiculous for writers to be offended by words. May I say something?

Jenifer: Of course.

Father Luke: I came on just as staff was wrapping up the finishing touches of the Journal. Which turned out rather nice by the way. My mother has a copy, and she enjoyed it, and I say that to offer that it's not just my opinion, but that of someone else. But the journal was really put together by your hard work. Correct me where I am wrong, but the Journal - which I have a sneaking suspicion may just be continuing yet - was abandoned by the majority of staff, and pulled together at the last moment with your hard work.

Jenifer: Yes, it was abandoned. And yes, I put it together myself in the end. I must say though that our Sana aka lostpoem gave a tremendous amount of her time with proofreading.

Father Luke: Sana is part of the staff I meant when I said earlier that the current staff was superb. Danny, redperil a.k.a. Mr Lally, and the newsletter staff are all outstanding contributors to Mary.

But the journal was abandoned. Then those very same self-righteous pricks came at you and said I should go because ? Why?

Jenifer: Because you were ruining the forum. You were running everyone off. You were offending people, were rude to long time members. The word 'cunt' was mentioned several times as well as, I believe, 'cocksucker'.

Father Luke: What were the contributions of these writers who were complaining of my word use? And, again, what was the reasoning they used for censoring someone?

Jenifer: That's the thing. The staff who left were contributing zero. What could I do? You were doing everything I wasn't. You were doing everything I couldn't. You had come in and taken a huge weight off my shoulders. You had given funding to the journal. You had taken over tech when there was no one else. You were bringing people to the site. You were bringing in new ideas.

Father Luke: I see. Okay.

Jenifer: Then it was sort of like it became the new black to blame everything in the world on Father Luke. Oh, well, the war in Iraq? Father Luke did it.

Father Luke: I think there is a video about that on YouTube.

Jenifer: They thought you were Osama Bin Laden.

Father Luke: Well. Actually I'm justin.barrett.

Jenifer: Yes, well, I know that so that means you owe me that time machine. I think he owed me something else too but I can't remember. Probably a bunch of money.

Father Luke: You live in Portland, don't you?

Jenifer: Yes, Sir.

Father Luke: Going to school?

Jenifer: Yep.

Father Luke: Degrees? Achievements? Anything you can wipe your ass with yet?

Jenifer: I have an Associate of Arts. I am on the Dean's list at Portland State. I am a member of Phi Kappa Phi which is an academic society. I get really good grades. I still wipe my ass with toilet paper though.

Father Luke: Published?

Jenifer: Yes, published. A chapbook from Gloom Cupboard for a contest I won last year. A few pieces in nibble, um, something in Zygote in My Coffee’s online, neon, Pathos, I was in the Bukscene, done some stuff with xenith, some stuff coming up in redperil's thing. I know there are some more but I cannot ever remember unless I look in the folder where I tuck them. I did put myself in 'Don't Call Me Plath' which will be released the same day this is and which you've already seen.

Father Luke: So, you publish as well as are published. I am referring to Mary's Journal as well as Don't Call Me Plath.

Jenifer: Yep.

Father Luke: Not some dumb fuck broad with a hard on for a good looking guy, eh?

Jenifer: I don't know about that. Maybe I'm both.

Father Luke: Let's be clear, Jenifer. Some people say you have given Mary to me and I ruined it. I am looking at you and telling the world that I see an independent Woman with lots of smarts. What would you say to the thought that You just want to fuck me, so you let me ruin Mary?

Jenifer: I am not an idiot. I am not a victim, nor do I like playing the victim in my life. I was born into a world where people weren't always well behaved. My mom was fucking crazy most of my childhood. Batshit crazy. You never knew what you were going to come home to. For much of my life I wished her dead. And then I grew up. I discovered that she was a human. A passionate, intelligent woman who was trying to make sense of a life that didn't make sense. She was too easy to hurt, too affected by pain, too emotional, and an alcoholic. But she was real. She was always real. And for me, that's what became normal. I cannot be happy with someone who cannot understand that. And I cannot tolerate bullshit. However, I'm also very easy to manipulate. I grew up bending to her. I am very good at bending. That's where I was when you came in. I was unhappy tolerating bullshit. Saying things were okay when they weren't and piling all the work on my shoulders. You came into my life and onto Mary, grabbed my hand and pulled me back up, set my back straight and told me to lift up my chin. And you took out anyone who wasn't going to let that happen. At the same time, you busted ass, did excellent work, brought in a ton of members, critiqued like no one ever had, put in profiles, added a bunch of features I had asked each tech admin for and had never gotten, got rid of trolls. And you are my best friend. You made Mary fun for me again. You made my life fun again. So no, I don't agree that you ruined Mary. I think you caused her to catch fire and I think I won't allow you to be scapegoated again. Fuck 'em.I would much rather spend my time with someone who always says what he feels rather than holding it in and being deceptive about it. You may offend people with the things you say, but Father Luke at least I always know where I stand with you. That and for all the warnings I got about you, who is still here? Who do I look for when I wake up every day?

Father Luke: A lot of people are going to want to read this and see it as our belly aching, whah - whah, cry baby farewell blaming everyone but ourselves for Mary closing. Thoughts?

Jenifer: I don’t care about what those people think. How about you? What do you think?

Father Luke: I think there was no Mary to close. I walked into a party at Mary that was looking for a way to end. I like to party. Did I ever tell you that I woke up from a blackout once in Oakland wearing clothes I had never seen before? Men's clothes fortunately. So, I think . . . Mary's guests just don't know how to party till they puke. I see the Journal returning - or continuing on. And I see Mary opening up in different ways in the days, weeks, and years to come. Not just sneaking out to the alley for a beer, and see ya whenever, but continuing in a way which makes for life long friends, and satisfying relationships. A comfortable sense of leisure is essential. If not, then so wut?

Writers write. I have work I'm doing. I'll be in a book William Taylor Jr is publishing, I'm scheduled to be in another publication I'm not allowed to talk about just yet, I have been invited to publish with an exciting young printer over seas. . . I'm working with you on a couple potential projects. And I'm doing well in college.

Our lives are rich, Angel. Too rich to be spent arguing with cunts that I use mature language, and adult themes. What gets me in all this is how writers wanted to censor me. And censor you, by proxy. It's beyond my scope of understanding.

Any projects in the work now that Mary is finished?

Jenifer: There are always things to think about doing or things that might be done in the future. There are things we've been talking about. More so, right now there is stuff I need to get done in my personal life. You know what? I think I'd like to spend some time just writing again. Not publishing or even seeking publication, but just writing. I just completed a project that we're going to release the same day as this. It features twelve writers who happen to be women. I won't list them all here, but I will say there are some excellent poems and stories, a brilliant essay and a lot of great pictures.

Father Luke: What's the name of it?

Jenifer: Don't Call Me Plath.

Father Luke; How much is it?

Jenifer: It's free.

Father Luke: I've seen it. It would be a steal at ten dollars. Where can people get it free?

Jenifer: Here

Father Luke: So - you published a Women in the Small Press book, and now you want to take some time off. Just write for a change. No submissions - no publishing - just writing for your own sake. Writing because that's what you want to do.

Jenifer: Yep. Any plans for you, Father Luke?

Father Luke: I'm in College pursuing a teaching degree. The task is to get a piece of paper that says: "Father Luke is qualified to teach Adults how to write." That's what I want, to teach adults how to write.

Also I have a move planned.

So, my education, writing, and a move which I don't really want to talk about just yet.

But? I am done with moderating, running, and technically advising forums. I'm a writer, not a babysitter. I think life just got a whole lot more fun for me.

Jenifer: I'll say. Hindsight is twenty twenty and all that.

Father Luke: I was accused of making someone leave Mary when I asked her where she was from. Then she set up her own forum. I really have no business socializing with people who hate me. My job is writing. And teaching others that they know how to write.

Jenifer: Sometimes lately I feel like Willy Wonka. We're closing the gates to the factory, but the factory still exists inside.

Father Luke: "Inside this room all my dreams become realities, and some of my realities become dreams. . ." - Wonka dealt in the imagination. Mary will always live in the hearts of those who love her. She was built from imagination. That always remains. I agree.

Jenifer: There definitely won't be another like her.

Father Luke: Jenifer I want to give you last word. You built Mary, with those who started her with you. Anything you would like to say as goodbye? Any final thoughts? You get last word. . . I just work here.

Jenifer: No final thoughts. No last words. Who knows what will happen next. I don't. I know this phase is over. But what comes after this one? I have no idea.