Enjoy
Patrick:Good evening/afternoon/morning/night/day/wherever it may find you on that side of the Atlantic. I'll let you in on a wee secret: I suggested that we do this ping-pong, mostly because I find you interesting, but also because I like discourse and noticed that you had yet to be ponged in this fashion. So I suppose we should start with the most basic of queries: what is your name? what is your quest? favorite color? where is home? how old do you want us to think you are? shoe size?Pete:Hello Patrick
Ok, I'm ready. My name is Pete Lally, though most people call me Mr Lally (due to my demand for subordination). I live in Brighton UK, which is the gay capital of Europe and full of people claiming to be musicians/writers/artists. If you remove the gays do you remove the culture?
I became a dad last year and turn 30 next month (if I can make it). I feel very melancholic at present but this is coupled with the happiness my daughter brings me. People tell me that's how being a father goes. Of minor interest I share my birthday (March 19th) with my dad and his dad (deceased), apparently back in the 80's this was a world record!
My writing is basically me wrestling with my past, present and future and trying to make sense of it. I have no real interest in publication at the moment, as I don't believe I'd be happy until I'm comfortable with who I am and what I want to say (so probably never). However, I play the Ukulele and plan to ruin peoples ears this year with such jaunty titles as 'Dirty Mutton Dressed as Lamb' and 'I don't sleep with anyone who I need a ladder to mount'.
So Patrick...I have the following questions to throw at you:
1. If you knew that no one would ever read your words, would you still write?
2. In Albert Camus' 'The Stranger'/'L'Etranger' the protagonist is condemned to death for telling the truth. Without getting too deep into the existentialist philosophy of the book, how far would you go in terms of obtaining the truth in your work, and is the truth important?
3. "Everything popular is wrong" - Oscar Wilde. I have note paper with a different Wilde quote on each page. This one seemed quite apt for our ping. What are your opinions on this statement?
4. In Smokey and the Bandit, Burt Reynolds only takes his hat off for two things. What two things do you take your hat off for?
so, right back at you!
Patrick:You should have planned Poppy's (that's her name, right?) birthday more carefully to get yourself back in the game!
It's interesting that you're writing right now with no interest in publication. I guess this just seems entirely foreign to me because my essential goal is to communicate with people, and I hope to do that through publication. Obviously there's a lot of personal exploration in my writing, and I pretty much just write poetry as some therapeutic outlet (I have no interest in publishing that anymore, so I guess I can see where you're coming from), but fiction, for me, is a life. I guess I'm just too serious, sometimes.
To answer your questions:
1: This is difficult. I honestly don't think I would because, like I said above, it's all about communication. I already know how the story will go, how the art will present itself, so if I'm going to be the only one to enjoy it, why create it? It can just be access in my head.
2: Is that truth or Truth? hehe. The truth has never really been a large preoccupation of mine and in all honesty holds little interest. For me, it's all about perspective, about personal truth, about living through a certain person. I don't know any truths and am happy to be ignorant of them, as bad as that sounds.
3: It's so hard to disagree with Wilde, this being no exception. I guess it's safer to go with percentages and say 99% of everything is wrong. You're bound to cross over into some popular things in there somewhere.
4: I'd have to say I'd take it off on windy days so I wouldn't lose it. I'd also probably take it off when I shower, just so I could wash my hair.
Questions pour toi:
1: You mention above the melancholy and the happiness of being a father. How have things changed for you now that you have offspring? How did you feel when she wrapped her hand around your finger, to use a rather touching cliché moment (what, it's all I can associate with fatherhood--call me lame)? What's it like having your self dissolved for the well-being of another? Am I making false assumptions? What's it like, man?!
2: You also said above that your poetry right now is trying to sort out past, present, and future Mr. Lally. Do you think you'll ever have this sorted out?
3: Writers. I'm a literary being and thus always curious as to the tastes of others so I can judge them. Who do you read? Which poets? Which novelists? Specific books or pieces you love? I promise not to judge hard.Pete:Poppy's birth was protracted and complicated. I spent the longest hour of my life standing outside an operating theatre, feeling all my internal organs wilt as I contemplated the idea that I could lose both of them. When the doctor came out with this tiny hair ball in his hands my limbs lost all their strength and I cried in a mixture of emotion and exhaustion.
I've found that fatherhood has effected me in so many profound ways and I'm still picking through the rubble to find the words that match the complex emotions it's created. This brings me back to the question of writing without the desire for publication. I've always been writing since I was a young boy. I thrive on the challenge of wrestling the ideas from my head onto the page, sometimes through the process of editing my feelings and thoughts into a written piece I find some clarity that wasn't there when I simply pondered on something (does that make sense?). I understand where you're coming from in terms of a desire to communicate, but for me it's all about the process and less about the outcome. However, it is said that a thinking man always contradicts himself, so expect me to be talking about submitting shortly!
In answer to your second question, I don't think it is possible to ever find complete understanding of who you are, but I hope to one day be at peace with myself and at that point maybe I'll give up writing and take up tap dancing.
I always find questions about who or what I like complicated. My memory of names is appalling and my choices vary according to my mood. But today I remember that I like this bunch:
The Old Man and the Sea - Hemingway
Alice in Wonderland
Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
Slaughterhouse five - Vonnegut
Fatal Eggs - Bulgakov
Before Night Falls - The memoirs of Reinaldo Arenas
Judge as you wish! I'm not in the mood for poets, so let's just say I like Dr Seuss and be done with it. As I mentioned JK Toole this brings us back to the question of writing for publication. Toole famously took his own life as a result of his failure to get published, the irony being in death his book was held up as a masterpiece.
I've gone on far too long, so back to Patrick. I'm currently reading a book of short stories by a Uruguayan writer (Horacio Quiroga - The decapitated chicken and other stories) there are recurring themes throughout his tales of death, isolation and sexual desire.
What key themes would you say characterize your writing?
To what extent are these themes influenced by personal experience?
If you had to photocopy one part of your body as a relic of your being, which part would it be?
Oh, and tell me an anecdote from your past that will make me smile
Patrick:I figured the moment of fatherhood was one of those emotionally overwhelming moments. It's something I kind of envy, actually, because odds are it's something I'll never experience. I think I'm too selfish for children, among other reasons.
In all honesty, I haven't read any of the books you mentioned, so I can't really judge them. You're a slippery one, indeed. The only author you've listed that I've read is Hemingway, of whose works I have read A Farewell to Arms and The Sun Also Rises, the first of which I hated and the second of which I really liked. Intriguing character, Hemingway. I still have mixed feelings on his writing, which doesn't happen with a lot of authors. Usually it's quite easy to love or hate.
As far as what themes occur in my writing, I'd have to say that loneliness and isolation are probably the most common. I feel weird, wrapping it up so simply, or even thinking about it in those terms. I rarely look at the overall body of work and say "I write about these things", but thinking about it now sort of reflects those the most. Most of what I write stems, in some way, from personal experience. I kind of view writing as a process of spiritual exploration, a way of me making the best of my life, no matter what has happened. Another facet of my writing is generally a concentrated sense of sexuality, and as such I have written a lot about adolescence--the discovery of sexuality. To be honest, my confession is that I'm absolutely fascinated by teen angst. I'm writing a novel right now that pretty much could be called an exploration of one boy's turmoil, but why would I ever sum it up so blandly? I think there's something absolutely beautiful about the suffering some teens go through, and how enormously lonely they can feel, and how all their emotions are magnified and everything seems like the end of the world. Maybe I'm just trying to connect to my lonely teenage self, I don't know.
I'd photocopy my collar bone. I have a fetish for emaciated people, so visible bones are kind of my thing. As long as they're not like... in danger of dying. That's just too far. Hmm... this information probably seems wrong.
I got stuck in a chimney once. I wasn't pretending to be Santa Claus or anything, I was just dancing on the roof and figured I should sit in the chimney, and then I really had to struggle to get out.
Here are some generic questions for the curious:
How did you find LiteraryMary? What made you stay? If you could change one thing about it, what would it be? No lying is allowed.Pete:I've had many conversations with my friend, who is gay, about being a parent. She would love to have children, but she also feels that it's important for a child to have a mum and a dad in order to not feel alienated from traditional 'family values'. Difficult subject to approach in a city where about 1 in 5 people are gay and feelings run high.
Oh, and read 'The Old Man and the Sea'. It's only about 100 pages, but I believe it's his masterpiece. And I can't believe you haven't read Alice in Wonderland.
I have found that people who enjoyed their teenage years too much struggle to grow up and often end up marrying their cousin *ahem*. I'm joking of course. But I do find those people difficult to be around..."no Barry i don't want to go and drink cider in the park while looking at porn". Of late, my poetry has been addressing my youth, I suppose in an attempt to try and get at those repressed memories. I wish you luck with your novel.
I arrived at LM after stalking a character named Hoochmonkey, he's buried under my drive now. Unlike many other people, I had little interaction with the internet until a few years ago. I got a thrill at the idea of someone
on another part of the planet reading what I said, which I suppose ties in with what you said about wanting to communicate. Although, I think it's more of an ego thing in my case! Anyway, I've stuck around because there's lots of characters that entertain me. What would I change? I'd like less politeness and more discourse.
So, what do you feel you get out of posting on forums such as LM and Xenith?
Does it help your writing?
so some generic action back at you boy!
Patrick:Less politeness and more discourse, eh? Sounds vaguely like how I feel about it, only I replace "politeness" with "moderation", generally. But I'm a moderator, so maybe I should just go around unmoderating. In all fairness, it isn't nearly as bad as it used to be, or at least it seems that way.
It's sad that your friend has sort of acquiesced to defeat simply because of social conventions. A same sex marriage could be just as healthy for a child were it not for the negative stigma the child would receive from peers. Frankly, I don't know how we'll ever get around that. Convenient, isn't it?
I really couldn't pinpoint what I get out of posting at places like Xenith or Mary, or Xenith versus Mary, because they are extremely different places despite having the same function. But, I suppose the people make up the community, so that could account for the distinctions. I know that at one time posting helped my writing, and I'm pretty sure it still does in most cases. I also really get a lot out of commenting on the works of others, simply because it helps me organize my own thoughts regarding craft. Seeing how someone else has succeeded or failed and then pointing that out really helps me articulate how I feel about certain structures, styles, and devices. I also love reading the comments of others. Well, not all others. Sometimes they're just infuriating. Mostly they're good to read, though. Also, I'm not as integral at Mary as I am at Xenith, so I don't really get this out of LM, but at Xenith I feel like I'm connected to something important and that I'm doing something important, even if it's just organizing an online event or putting out an issue. I feel like I'm a part of the literary community, because, as an editor of a literary magazine, however small, I am a part of it. I also continue to post my writing. The first two chapters of my novel are posted over at Xenith. It's good to know that someone is reading it as I post it, like I know that someone is interested so I might as well continue. There's a wealth of other writing that has been posted there over the years. Pretty much everything I've written is there, come to think of it. I've matured (shut up, miscreants) in my 3+ years at Xenith, as a writer, critic, and internet social butterfly, and there are over 5,000 posts to prove it. I was already a bitter old man when I got to LM, so nothing has changed.
I'm going to ask an unorthodox question. I've recently decided that naming your favorite bands is a useless endeavor considering any given band can succeed and fail on an album by album basis. Albums are the basis of the music world. So, that established, what are your top ten albums?Pete:I agree with you and would go so far as to say that I get more from dissecting others work and reading posts, than I do from posting my own work. That's why I rarely post the poetry and short stories that I write. As you know, I have visited Xenith and the calibre of writing is very high, but it's quieter than LM and I'm all cosey with the people I know on here too. Maybe when I have more time I'll post more on Xenith.
Top 10 albums eh. Well, like books it is dependent on my mood, so changes from day to day (not that I compile a top 10 everyday). But, for the purposes of your question I shall go with the following (in no particular order):
1. Lambchop - Is a Woman
This album is the closest thing to a sleeping pill that you can find. Plus Kurt Wagner is a master of the lyric.
2. Edith Piaf - La Vie En Rose
The Sparrow. There is more passion in her singing than I think I've ever found anywhere else and the songs she sings take you straight into the streets of Paris.
"In his arms, listening to his words of love
my heart tells me we belong to each other.
This is life as it should be" (Translated from 'La Vie En Rose')
3. Joy Division - Closer
I've been in many dark places and Ian Curtis' lyrics define what it is to feel alone and isolated. A true poet.
4. Scott Walker - Scott 4
Theatre darling! The man dies for his art. This is the most ridiculously splendid thing to slap on on a sunny day
5. Tom Waits - Rain Dogs
I could of picked any of a number of Mr Waits' back catalogue, but today I choose this one.
6. Velvet Underground - Velvet Underground
Takes me back to my art student days, bumming around and having 'deep and meaningful' conversations over bottomless coffee cups. Also, someone once said I look like a young John Cale (doubtful, but I liked it)
7. Arcade Fire - Funeral
I was trying to decide between Beirut and Arcade Fire as to what band has got me most excited in recent years. I think 'Funeral' is more complete than either of Beirut's releases though, so I'm going with that.
8. Sparks - Kimono My House
When I was living in my bedsit, my mate (who is a massive Sparks fan) would come round and we would bounce off the walls dancing to this album while drinking gut-rot wine...then we'd go out and pester girls in nightclubs!
9. Roxy Music - For your Pleasure
Art School music as it should be.
10. Leonard Cohen - Songs from a Room
This was the first Cohen album I heard, hence why it's my favourite
There's many artists who I'd love to include, but this probably gives you an idea of my tastes. Though I'm looking at the list now and I'm thinking 'What no Bowie? No Lou Reed? Fuck it, this'll do for now. Music has been such an important part of my life and has probably had as much influence on my writing as anything else.
So, to return the question, slightly differently...
If you can remember, name an album that you remember from each of your tentative steps into adulthood, that best depicts that stage. To make it more specific let's say age 0-10, 10-15, 15-20, 20+. And of course why.
And...What are your 5 favorite films?
Patrick:Xenith isn't quite as active, you're right. It's been kind of on the lower end of the radar for several years, given that the zine, its original reason for being, wasn't published for so long. That will be a regular thing again soon, though, so who knows what'll happen. Maybe nothing.
I love Closer and I love Rain Dogs. Great choices. The rest, Cohen and Piaf (who I also love) aside, I haven't heard much of.
Interesting challenge you've given me. Let's see what I can do:
0-10 - I'll be honest, I didn't listen to albums at this age. I listened to singles. Sir Mix-a-Lot - Baby Got Back
10-15 - the Pulp Fiction soundtrack
15-20 - So many things happened here. I'll have to choose three: Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile & The Downward Spiral, and Marilyn Manson - Mechanical Animals
20+ - hmm.. there were too many steps here. How about this:
2-21 - Joy Division - Closer (it was a dark time)
22-23 - The Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
24 - Bohren & der Club of Gore - Sunset Mission / Lost Highway & Twin Peaks soundtracks
Favorite movies? 5? You tease.
Alien series (counts as one), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Kill Bill, Contact, Life is Beautiful. I feel so limited... 
Okay--the movie question, right back at you. Also, is there any one thing in the world that you wish you had created? Novel, movie, food, person--anything. Mathematical principle? World's largest bowel movement?Pete:Before Night Falls - Julian Schnabel (I love the book, I loved the film!)
The Straight Story - David Lynch
Wings of Desire - Wim Wenders
Talk to her - Pedro Almodovar
Lost in Translation - Sophia Coppola
I wish my memory was better because there's a few films I've seen in the last couple of years that I probably would of put in here (if I could remember the names). I love pretty much everything by Almodovar, Wenders, Schnabel and Lynch.
I wish that I'd created God. So that I could renounce organised religion and tell people to get some fresh air and be happy.
-So in a similar vein, what would you like to invent that doesn't yet exist? (i.e. penis enlargement cream, time machine etc)
-Tell me something personal that you haven't told anyone on the internet before (unless you've given full disclosure already!)
- If possible, attach a photo of the view from where you're sitting right now (I'm a voyeur and need to know if it's true that you keep male mannequins in your home)
Patrick:Unfortunately I do not having photograph capabilities here at work. 
As far as what I would invent that doesn't exist... how about God? hehe. In all seriousness, I've always wanted the opposite of a microwave--something that would cool my drink in thirty seconds. I think they would be highly popular, if they ever became physically possible.
Something personal that hasn't yet been told on the internet? All of my darkest secrets are out there, or at least a select few know... When I was four I found a tube of chapstick and was unbelievably happy because I could pretend it was lipstick.
Did you ever fancy dressing up as the opposite sex? Even for a little while growing up? What were you like as a child, anyway? If you can think of one memory that sort of exemplifies your childhood, what would that memory be?Pete:I was a bit of an odd child. I went through a phase of dressing as a farmer (even though I live in the city) and used to buy loads of junk from car boot sales. Which ties in with the make up thing, as I used to buy tupperware boxes of old make up and slap it on (I was about 6).
The memory that probably best describes the young me, was when I was about 10 and I entered a school talent contest doing a belly dancing routine. Funnily enough I was wearing a hula girl outfit, resplendid with coconut boobs. Well, I came third (my sister came first for doing impressions) and they made us perform for the parents at a gala thingy. It was all going well until one of my coconuts dropped off. The crowd was in hysterics, but I was upset that I'd ruined my routine. My mum still say's it was her proudest moment. (This is the extended version of what I told you before!)
I used to wear eye liner and nail varnish due to my love of the whole boy in makeup scene that was going on back in the nineties, as a reaction to the lad rock that I really hated. But, I've never wanted to dress as a woman (although I have for the Rocky Horror Picture Show and a cross dressing party!)
There's a lot of transexuals/vestites in Brighton and although it's awful to say, some of them do look ridiculous. There's one guy who wears no make up, has a mans haircut, but wears womens clothes straight out of the 1930's! What makes it even more amusing is that he always holds an expression as if he got up in the dark and put these clothes on by mistake.
Quick questions...
Sex or writing?
perfect night out?
when will you die?
will you come back?
Patrick:Ah, that's right, the belly dancing. Like I said before, it's too bad this happened before the age of youtube. You might have given the Star Wars kid a run for his money.
Sex or writing? Right now I'd have to say sex, but that's party because I haven't ejaculated in five days. Michael and I are current holding out on each other and purposefully going without masturbating in preparation for some Valentine's Day nuclear explosions. I did this once before and the tsunami that followed was pretty cataclysmic. I'm looking forward to it and am pretty much turned on by everything, including walking because my junk brushes up against my leg. I'd probably have to say sex on most other days, too, but sometimes I will choose writing over fucking.
perfect night out? Drinks and apps at La Belle Vie. That's all I really need, sadly. I'm kind of bored with going out to clubs and dancing around like a slut (for which I always removed my shirt, just to be stared at--I like being objectified), and La Belle Vie is a fantastically swanky bar, so I'm all about it.
when will you die? When I least expect it.
will you come back? With my luck I'll probably come back as someone like Dan Brown and feel a disturbing disquiet for my entire pathetic career.
In relation to the above, since you've been a slave to orgasms (ie: 12 or 13 and up), what is the longest amount of time you have gone without one? My record is three weeks, and I really don't want to repeat it.
Also, what do you look for in a book? What makes reading good for you?Pete:Funnily enough the delay in my response was due to Valentines. But due to having a small baby it wasn't particularly romantic. As I just said I have a small baby, so without going into too much detail, suffice to say the troops were kept in their quarters well past their use by date during pregnancy.
I was a having a ciggie before I read your email and was thinking about writing a short story based on a teenage boy who rubs his own jizz into his face, thinking it will attract girls. However, as well as repelling everyone (except creepy old men) he starts to grow life forms on his face. May be another of my silly ideas that goes nowhere, but we'll see. My short stories are definitely less autobiographical than my poetry,though I very rarely write anything but poetry...mmm, going back to the publishing thing, maybe I'd consider publishing a story? See I said I'd contradict myself!
What do I look for in a book? Well, as I have never studied English (hence my poor grammar) I've had to blindly stumble through the library learning from my mistakes along the way. Before the baby I'd get out about half a dozen books a month, of which two I'd probably get no further than the first two chapters. I tend to have one book on the go that challenges me and one that'll make me laugh or just provide simple no-frills entertainment. God (if you're listening) the more I think about this the more I find it hard to define. I suppose also it's like wine, I will look for books written from a certain geographical location. I'm drawn toward books written in the Latin region, mainly due to the close relationship Latin writers tend to hold with nature.
I'm the happiest when I find a book that I can become totally absorbed into, where you stop hearing that car alarm going off and the fact you haven't eaten all day. It's rare to find and normally I just have to accept simple pleasure. I also read on the toilet and if the books really good my legs will end up going numb and I'll fall over when I finally try and stand up!
Would you be willing to compromise on a novel you wrote, to its detriment, if it meant you'd be given more money?
My forum name was the name given to peoples fear of communism. What's the story behind yours (if there is one)?
Which living writer do you most admire?
Patrick:The story about the jizz-face kid sounds interesting albeit slightly frightening. It sounds like the kind of weird that I used to write, but with a little flavor of the Palahniuk strange, but in a good way. I'd read it.
I'm with you on books that completely absorb you. I read books sometimes that seem like they're more difficult to finish. They're still great, but sometimes the books that occupy your entire imagination are just too outstanding. Autobiography of Red was one of those books for me. I read it as voraciously as I could then read it again immediately after. It became an instant favorite.
I'm against reading on the toilet, but I'm strange about bathroom things.
If I was given the option to make more money by ruining my novel, I'm really afraid of what I would do. I honestly don't know how I could live with myself if I changed something for the worse, even though that's more or less exactly what I would have to do because what I write really isn't the popular style of literature. If something isn't as perfect as I can make it, I feel like a failure, and I'd hate to have money there to reinforce failure. We'll see what happens, if anything.
My username is just a word that I thought of one night. I read somewhere that the German word for night was nacht, and then I was like "omg astronacht." I wanted to use it in a poem or as the title for a poem, but I became impatient and just used it as a username. And now I'm hoping to avoid poetry, so I guess it all worked out?
I think José Saramago is the living writer I admire most. I'm reading The Year of the Death of Ricardo Reis right now and it's absolutely amazing. That man's powers astound me at every turn. I also just watched the film adaptation of Blindness last night and it really brought back the strength of that book, which is just ruthless. I definitely recommend his work, if you have time.
So, same question, but reverse polarity: what writer do you hate most? Who do you think is the worst, lowest piece of shit writer that doesn't deserve any of the money they receive? Who represents, for you, the tragedy of contemporary literature?
Also, how do you write? Keyboard or pen/pencil? Why do you prefer to write the way you do? What makes it easier for you?Pete:I think I shall check out Saramago, I've heard a lot of people throwing his name up. I read a bit about 'blindness' on Wik and sounds intriguing.
I'm glad you wouldn't destroy your work for a quick buck. I've met many people who lack integrity and their work is generally shallow, albeit they wear fancy clothes and smoke big cigars *ahem*.
I'm not really a fan of the horror genre, but I'd have to say Stephen King epitomises what I hate about materialistic writers. He's a production line for sub-standard tosh that is bought up by gullible people thinking 'just maybe he'll give us another classic'. He won't. He's too busy wiping his arse with your hard earned money. I would also add all of the autobiographies of 15minutesoffameshitfaces that have taken money away from interesting thinking writers in the last 15 years or so.
If you mean by tragedy, someone who hasn't had the success they deserve, then I'd say the English poet Tony Harrison. In poetry terms he is well recognised but I think it's sad that many people will never hear or read a poem once they leave school and for me he is head and shoulders above most of the boredhousewife balls that passes for poetry these days. Here's one of Tony's:
The Marked D When the chilled dough of his flesh went in an oven
not unlike those he fuelled all his life,
I thought of his cataracts ablaze with Heaven
and radiant with the sight of his dead wife,
light streaming from his mouth to shape her name,
'not Florence and not Flo but always Florrie.'
I thought how his cold tongue burst into flame
but only literally, which makes me sorry,
sorry for his sake there's no Heaven to reach.
I get it all from Earth my daily bread
but he hungered for release from mortal speech
that kept him down, the tongue that weighed like lead
It's very decadent, but I write with an 18 ct gold fountain pen that my girlfriend bought me years ago. She also bought me a fancy solid brass zippo lighter this year too. I think she's trying to turn me into a dandy!
I've always written in pen or pencil, as I do most of my writing away from a computer (when it's not boneshaking freezin I like to write on the beach, watching the starlings do their daily fly-by). I find when I'm writing straight to computer my mind wanders off and I tend to write a lot of random rubbish. Having said that, sometimes my hand can't keep up with my head (happens when I shake hands with the bishop sometimes too!)
Do you plan on pushing for publication this year?
If you couldn't be a writer, what would you like to be?
If you could offer one criticism of this pingpong, what would it be (honesty please)?
Patrick:I like that poem, surprisingly. I normally don't like anything.
I'm with you on Stephen King. What bothers me is that he's actually a very good editor with very good taste, as I've discovered from anthologies that he puts together, but his writing is just so sterile. He should just give up writing novels and write screenplays. His work is generally better that way anyway. I also loathe the memoir writers you mentioned. And self-help authors.
And if you are going to check out Saramago, Blindness is probably the best place to start, but after that I'd give The Gospel According to Jesus Christ a go. More or less, it's the story of Christ, centered around Christ, imagining him in a very human light. Then again I haven't read a Saramago work yet that I haven't thought was utterly amazing. He is a true wizard.
Publication this year? That would be nice, but with the novel I sincerely doubt it will happen. If anything I might get extraordinarily lucky and publish one of the short stories I've sent out, but generally I view publishing as this impossible beast that will only happen to me in the distant future, no matter where I am on whatever path I happen to be on. In other words, I feel it's always out of reach, even though that's a ridiculous way to think of it. I doubt I'll even finish the novel this year, at the rate I'm moving. I've written 15k in the last month, which kind of sounds like a lot, but in the larger scheme of things really isn't that much. I'll do what I can, though.
If I fail as a writer, the only thing that I think I could be remotely satisfied doing is teaching, but that would be very bittersweet. I'd feel constantly inadequate and question my abilities, wondering what gives me the right to teach these people how to write when I couldn't do it myself. Otherwise, anything outside of the field of literature or writing really doesn't interest me. I've sort of limited my options in that respect and have pretty much condemned myself to a life of dissatisfaction. Oh well.
If I could offer one criticism of this ping-pong? Are we feeling self conscious? Haha. In all seriousness I'm kind of wishing this could have been done in a more chat-like atmosphere. The long-winded replies to multiple questions has kind of a staggering effect where an instant messager would be much more conversational. But alas, I have nothing but google chat, and I plan to keep it that way. You were hoping I was going to criticize you, weren't you?
What would you criticize about our fair ping-pong?Pete:My mum does some teaching and at a work function my step dad made the mistake of saying those immortal words 'those who can't do teach!'. I don't think my mum's taken him out since.
I've never had a desire to teach. I dislike too many people and I'm pretty open to bribery. Plus most of my knowledge is incorrect and based on a misunderstanding of something someone once told me in a pub. I'd love to live and work somewhere that goes at my pace. Slow. Very slow. We plan on moving to Greece for a year or two before Poppy starts school, to get some sun and enjoy a different culture. Greece is known for bribery and corruption, so I may teach!
Yes, you've got me, I'm a sadist. I was hoping you would put me down! I agree that this would have been better served by instant messenger, or over a cup of Irish Coffee served in crystal mugs, let's say somewhere in the back streets of Paris, watching old men fall over drunk whilst trying to chase sexy Parisian girls. By email though I get to edit, thereby reducing the amount of crap I spill.
I want to finish this pong now, before I tell the story about my old pet rabbit spunking over my ex-girlfriends face. Or the one about my step dad cutting his finger off and me coming home to find a room full of cats and dogs licking up his blood.
So I suggest to end this pleasant chat by offering up my description of Patrick aged 70. I suggest you return the favour if you like.
Patrick - Sits in a 1950's designer chair, with a view over the beach, watching young men play volleyball. A Martini glass resting at his side, he masturbates, unaware that his cat Charles is eating through his first edition Bukowski's.
Patrick:What a bleak end that is.
Pete - Sits on the edge of a cold, wintry beach, pen and notebook in hand, but every time he makes to write down whatever thought has exploded in his brain, one of the 28 grandchildren who also happen to be on the beach, playing tag, comes up to him and complains of diarrhea, therefore necessitating that he get up and take him or her to the bathroom up on the hill.
It was lovely talking to you over these last few days. Hopefully we didn't drone on too long. 
Pete:I expect it'll be the kids who are taking me up the hill for a poo!
It has been a fun experience. I doubt many people will get past the ridiculous question I posed to try and look intelligent (the one referencing Camus), but if you're reading this (whomever you are) then I would like to let you know that as a result of this protracted contact with Patrick I've inherited his eye infection via email. Please send all donations and sympathy messages to the usual address.
Goodbye Patrick!
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