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[Father Luke]

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Geisha: *knock knock*

ckm: Who's there?

Geisha: Your 9 o'clock appointment and your worst nightmare. A struggling, novice writer with access to your email. I mean, really hon. What were you thinking posting it on your blog? Are all the accolades from TBR really worth letting people like me into your domain?

ckm: Then my 9 o'clock is 4 hours late.  And trust me when I say that my worst nightmare is not a fellow novice writer contacting me through my blog to become only the third person in almost four years to do so despite links to it being splattered all over the net.  Though I believe we met in PM here and only took it to email some time later. Tell me Geisha, what is seriously your worst nightmare? Maybe because of lack of life experience, mine's personal and attentive physical torture with loneliness and poverty sort of lurking in the background.  But as a solipsist, I try to restrict that sort of thing to others.

Geisha: I like to consider myself fashionably late. Seems I need more and more beauty sleep as the years go by. Wait - what do you mean "fellow novice writer"? I fail to see where you are a novice in sense of the word, except that you aren't widely published in mainstream chain bookstores that carry multiple copies of writing far less interesting and meaningful as yours. And, yes. You are correct, now that I think about it. We PMed until I got tired of writing lengthy letters to you in a miniscule box, copying and pasting snippets of what I was trying to write, and going on about what I thought was interesting, or not, in the literary world. You almost lost me when you told me you were a vegetarian, but then I read Literary Mary and decided to let it slide. Plus, you were the only man to post in the erotica section, so I gave you some points for that as well.

My worst nightmare? Hmmm....I would say eternally watching life go on around me without being able to participate. I've been in that position now and then and the loneliness is almost unendurable for me.

ckm: No, I'm a novice.  Even very small African nations would starve on what I earn through writing.  As far as being as interesting as the dead-tree mainstream, I think both your last pieces have surpassed that.  Actually, I believe you have a literary education, and have also taught. What is your education background, both as student and teacher? Also, wherefrom springs your interest in erotica? (I eat fish.) I blame you for turning me on to xtube you know?

Geisha: So, widely published+money=not novice? Getting paid for it might mean you can consider yourself a professional, but there are many artists in music, painting, writing, sculpture, etc. who never get the recognition they are due. For all their blood, sweat and tears, I would hate to call them novices. Same with you.

Yes. I have a BA in English. Couldn't figure out what to do with it, so worked for my father for 2 years helping him run a small hardwood lumber business. Went to lumber grading school in Memphis, Tn. with 60 men. You really get to find out what Southern hospitality is all about being the only woman in a group of 60 men. They didn't even want me to lift a finger to stack lumber. But, being an eastern girl, I was stupid enough to tell them I was strong enough to do it myself, thank you very much. I decided that business was not for me, couldn't handle the stresses of taking over like my father wanted me to, so I went back and got my Masters in Teaching English and taught for 5 years until I had my kids. I swear I've forgotten over 80% of what I learned there though. I was really intimidated by the fiction writers on this board in the beginning, because despite all that education, I felt very under-read and sadly lacking in creative writing abilities. Give me theory and analysis any day and I'm all smiles. Love research. But, throw this creative writing stuff at me and I'm straining with each sentence. Your help has really been appreciated in overcoming my doubts. Sorry if it gets annoying with me singing your praises online. Just know I might not have gotten to posting even 2 pieces without that push. You've really earned your mentor status.

My interest in erotica springs from enjoying sex I imagine. I’ve never been as promiscuous as my interests dictate though. Aside from some college stuff here and there, it's just been me, my husband, and some xtube. (Fish reference – very funny.) I was surprised you hadn't seen any xtube. My husband told me about it. I think what fascinates me is the real stuff people will post on there. Some things very telling about human nature. I completely love trying to figure out what brings people together to do something so embarrassingly intimate and exposing, but add to that filming it and putting it online - it just boggles my mind. There was one man who put up every video he had of his ex. I almost wanted to cry every time I saw him post another one, because even while involved in the relationship she looked insecure and unhappy about it all, as though she was only doing this to make him happy. I'd say the most eye-widening one was when a man took a gourd about 5" in diameter up his rump. It was like an accident scene that I couldn't take my eyes off of. There's no way the human anus would ever be the same after that.

ckm: I know tastes vary.  But if I saw anyone trying to upload a gourd, I'd be so closing that window.  I saw a (normal sized) guy in the paper once who could put his entire body through a tennis racquet.  Had to dislocate half the bones in his body.  David Blaine's kind of a hero of mine too.  When the guy with the gourd gets another whole adult person up there, then I might look.  Who are your heroes?
 
Don't want this to degrade into a sex chat… okay, maybe I do, and should know better by now.  But doesn't pretty much everyone love sex?  I don't necessarily mean with their partner (or lack thereof), but just the whole being connected and then the orgasm thing.  What's not to love? It kind of pisses me off sometimes that our instincts so insist on self-preservation and procreation.  Like where's free will?  Speaking of procreation, you're the only mother of triplets I've ever known.  How'd that happen?  Surely their cute little heads will have to rear up in your writing at some point? Are you taking them trick-or-treating tonight?  What are they going as? You? Which is your favorite?  Ha, you can ignore that question, and probably should.

Geisha: I don't know that I have any heroes. I have people I admire, but no one I feel is perfect enough to be a true hero to me.

Playing hide-the-gourd is not my "taste", but it was a strange fascination. That's sort of how I approach it. I can talk about sex for an hour and not "get off" on it. Very few things titillate me on xtube. If we're talking about real erotica, then I guess I am interested in finding out what erotica can be beyond arousing. I don't find much where the motivation, thought process, and honesty is really there. I like the rawness, not of the specific sex, but a rawness in the honesty about what is going on in the heads of those involved. It's hard to find that. But, then again, some people would say that's not erotic anyway, because it's not as arousing to read all of that. So, maybe I'm just confused.

And, yeah. Think we've had the procreation talk before. I think our instinct insists on feeding our pleasure centers, whatever those may be for each person. I think it's our free will that permits us to by-pass that if we so wish. My kids were a product of IVF. Most think that with triplets anyway, so might as well be forthcoming. So, actually, it's my free will that helped me procreate. Imagine that. Their cute little heads have not appeared in my stories, because my stories are what help take me away from my reality. I love my family. Wouldn't trade it. But, there is a confining aspect to motherhood that is hard to deal with sometimes. Thus, my free rein geisha figure on LM. I needed a place to roam free with abandon. Get in touch with my Sagittarius nature. I always feel I have one foot in a stable, conservative home, and one foot out in the craziness of the world. Think I always have been that way, but I have to make my choice for now to stay put. So, I roam in my writing and online where it's safest and no one gets hurt.

My husband's taking them trick-or-treating. They are a pink unicorn, a bride, and Spiderman. No favorites. I'm still deciding. Happy Birthday btw. I find it so telling that you were born on Halloween. I couldn't have written it any better.

ckm: Is perfection a requirement in your heroes?  I'm more inspired by imperfection myself.

Geisha: No. Maybe not perfection. I just have an aversion to putting anyone on a pedestal. And, saying a person is my hero would put them up there for me. Hate to see people fall. I'd rather think we're all on a pretty level playing field and all variations of that are merely adjustable realities. I guess I kind of feel like it's a farce. Heroes are only good for stories.

ckm: Surprised you never mentioned Anais Nin.  You also turned me onto her.  She's not one of your heroes?  I also believe she might've suffered from CFS/FM as you do. Sometimes when I'm trying to describe hell to someone, I'll mention that I have a friend with CFS and triplets. But I guess this is just something else you try to stay away from in your writing? I know it's going to seem like a stupid question, but why did you want children so badly?  Do you think the world is a good place for children?

Geisha: As far as Anais, yes. I admire her abandon at certain points in her life to fully and completely live it as she wanted to. I wish I would have taken a certain part of my life and lived more selfishly as she did. Her diaries are considered her best writing, and I can see why. Read Incest at one point and that’s where I thought she might have had CFS. She complained about her constant fatigue for days/weeks on end, headaches, difficulty with thinking and writing, aches and pains. Seemed familiar.

I suppose I don't think to write about CFS. I try to ignore I even have it when I can. Most times my body won't let me though. I always loved kids. Always thought I'd like a couple. At the time I chose to have kids, I was five years into my bout with CFS and it seemed like it was getting better. If I had known that it wasn't going to get better, and even sometimes worse, I would not have opted for IVF. But, fortunately, I was unaware, or I wouldn't have all the good things that come with watching your kids learn about the world. All those wonderful, good, innocent things that we forget about in the adult world. I don't know if the world is a good place for children, but I know my children see the world as a basically good place to be and soak in every ounce of information the world is sending them. I don't believe it's any worse to bring children into the world today than it's ever been. Ask me again though in the middle of a war zone and I might change my mind.

So. Let's see. I'm getting bombarded here with questions. There has to be something we don't know about you. It's hard with you because you basically tell people anything and everything about you on your blog, in your posts, barely hidden in your stories. I mean, there's no one who has gotten as much mileage out of a colonoscopy as you have. Hmmm...let's see. What do you think about collaborative efforts in writing? Would you want to write a story with another writer? Who would that person be if you were forced to do so? If trapped in a prison like Sade, would you use your own feces or blood to write on sheets in order to express yourself? Have you ever read Sade? Why do you like the macabre so much? What fascinates you the most about humans? What's the biggest mistake you made as a parent? What is the best thing you did as a parent?  What is the farthest you ever traveled from home? How do you think the world will end? What are your 3 favorite stories/novels? Three favorite movies? There. That should hold us for a while.

ckm: By hero I just meant inspiration.  I've always been inspired by suffering.  I think David Blaine is the world's best sufferer. Wallace had it down pretty good too.  Jesus far less than either since none of his was self inflicted. I prefer to suffer vicariously… or maybe suffer the illusion of suffering or, even better, the illusion of having suffered.  You're right in that between my fiction and my blog, I kind of wear my heart on my sleeve.  Almost none of my family or RL friends read anything I write anymore, especially my wife. We all prefer it this way. I think having secrets fucks up my writing, at least my enjoyment of it, which is almost all I have to go by.  Collaborative writing?  I enjoy believing in muses.  So really all my writing is.  I've only tried it once with a living person.  We wound up writing two different pieces and then taking them their separate ways.  I've had editors fuck with my work, lots of help from forum readers, like from you.  So yeah, I believe in it.  Though I totally shy away from buying jointly authored books for some reason.  The guy who wrote "The Talisman" w/ S. King picked another story over mine for 3rd spot in the Chizine horror comp this year.  So, I've changed my mind.  Collaborative writers are lame. If trapped in a prison, I'd wish to express myself by committing suicide.  Do you mean the Marquis?  Only excerpts then.  Revolting stuff.  I don't like the macabre; I like the tragic. Macabre is to tragedy what porn is to sex.  So it's fucked that I've had more "success" with horror than any other genre. But I think horror encompasses most, is the most forgiving and accepting "genre."  Like what honest writing isn't horror?  What fascinates me the most about humans is our vaginas… I'm only half kidding.  Our egos and our creativity fascinate me too.  My biggest mistake as a parent was having kids. After that it was making myself their role model.  Though the jury's still kind of out.  I'm sure I've got lots of big mistakes left.  The best thing I did as a parent?  I chose the right mother.  Definitely that.  In university we used to drop windowpanes (250 mcg LSD) and then smoke hash till we forgot we had.  That's about the furthest I've traveled from home.  I was born in Switzerland, so that would be the farthest.  There are people I'd like to visit, but no places.  By world ending, I assume you mean humanity as we know it?  Then mercifully.  And soon.  Probably this century.  Also the world will end when I die. The Abyss; Videodrome; Robocop 1 are three movies that popped into my head just now.  There was one about Wall Street that I never watched a second of but that I had the most fun I've ever had at a movie during.  Novels? Infinite Jest; Catcher in the Rye; To Kill a Mockingbird… but who can say… I like mine pretty much, but I suspect there's a shitload of bias involved.
 
What's your most unpleasant memory?  What will you write next?  Who do you love and why?  If you could (had to) kill one person without consequence to you, who would it be? What is your theory of existence?

Geisha - Ok - in the interest of NOT boring people any longer with my long winded responses - let's try this:

 
1. most unpleasant memory - having 3 teeth pulled at 10 so I wouldn't have to have braces - passed out as three people held me down to do it - they only used Novocaine which wasn't working - still have trouble even talking about it – still had to get braces though.
2. I love my family and friends. Only loved 2 men in my life. Married one of them. Can't say why I love. As Forest Whitaker said in "The Crying Game" - "It's in my nature."
3. I can't think of a person I would kill. I think I could only kill in self-defense.
4. Not sure I've worked out my theory on existence yet. Have I? Think I'm too busy existing to bother right now.

 
I bet people don't know you come from a line of famous Mennonites. How much does growing up in that family affect your writing, your theories of existence?

ckm: Wow! The teeth thing.  I had a couple pulled that felt like my eyes were going to come out with them. I've been held down for other procedures, but here the freezing worked. I think my growing up in an urban Christian commune on Chicago's north side impacted  me more than my Mennonite heritage.  But having no other upbringing to compare it to, it's kind of hard to say.  I believe it immunized me to 'conventional' religious belief. What do you consider to be the most formative element of your upbringing?
 
I also want to thank you for playing me Geisha and for all our on-line scrabble games and correspondence. Do you think it was a little awkward or contrived for two people who know each other as well as we do to do something like this.  Did you know ping-pong is the most popular sport on Earth? I should've put the glue on my paddle instead of sniffing it maybe...

Geisha: My most formative element was guilt. Lots and lots of guilt.

You are most welcome Chris for all correspondence and Scrabble games. I've enjoyed every minute, or at least I forget if I haven't. I think it probably felt more contrived for us than it will for whomever reads this. I love ping pong. Miss having a table and a partner. Good luck on that competition this month. Careful in the locker room. Just tell him you're already married next time.

Well - guess we should wrap this all up you sweet thing. I'll give you the last word since your word choice is always so astute. Now go find that Scrabble game I started. I began the game with "fueling" for 80pts. and I think you're just pretending you're too busy to play it. Scaredy cat.

ckm: It'll be easier to find a partner if you get a table.  Meow.