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22085 Posts in 2155 Topics- by 216 Members - Latest Member: TrudaHannah

May, 22, 2012 - Loading...
LiteraryMaryWriting and Random Creativity Workshops Poetry and LyricsAngels are falling
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Author Topic: Angels are falling  (Read 364 times)
Vulgar
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« on: January 09, 2010, 12:46:21 PM »


Jammin' with the bandoliers
The prince of elderwind was on the trumpet
blowing out mammathus smoke clouds
from under his wooly stubble

Siberian undercoats huddle by the chorus of firepokers
The musical bandwidth is staggering
blues brothers are jagged, junebug hominids
but alongside him,
you're really not in the same league.

Perforated red coats step up along the cottonsky
They flex their wings, release batons
Sigmund Freud passes by on a giant coathanger
Titus raises his mead to the gladiator champion
The most accomplished of feats; genius
equipped with an Einstein shaving kit
and Oppenheimer's record player

Feeling the alabaster shrubbery
Checking for fuel leaks in oil fields of dreams
..lamenting the strokes.
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History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
-Sir Winston Churchill
 
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Amber R. Nelson
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« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2010, 04:43:13 AM »


I feel the word "jammin'" is inconsistent with the diction you use in the rest of the poem.  It starts a strong poem off on a weak note.

This was a very enjoyable read.  It had a unique elegance.  I love your style.
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"La vérité jaillira de l'apparente injustice."
Albert Camus
Vulgar
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« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2010, 12:11:29 PM »


Thank you malade. 
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-Sir Winston Churchill
exnihilo
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« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2010, 12:54:19 PM »


I loved "junebug hominids"
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You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present. ~Francis Bacon
One need not be a chamber to be haunted, one need not to be a house. The brain has corridors surpassing material place. ~Emily Dickinson
Try again, fail again. Fail better. ~Samuel Beckett
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