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as a child you watch
your mother cook -- her white apron
full of starch, white hands
clean and dry.

you see her dusting,
brooming, vacuum -- the massive,
wind-swept body
moving about

the curtains washed
religiously, laundry done on time;
dinner ready,
dishes done. She's done a
good job.

and now you watch
with disdain.
[is that what 'good job' means
for me, too?]

[Vincent Turner]

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as a child you watch
your mother cook -- her white apron
full of starch, white hands  - not sure about a second "white" so close to each other,
could you think of another word etc..
clean and dry.

you see her dusting,
brooming, vacuum -- the massive,- maybe its just me, but I cant quite fathom, whose the "wind swept body is" and if it is meant to be the mother, cleaning indoors, why is there wind???
wind-swept body
moving about- should you have a period here to end the stanza, or is it meant to lead on the the one below???

the curtains washed
religiously, laundry done on time;
dinner ready,
dishes done. She's done a
good job.

and now you watch
with disdain.
[is that what 'good job' means
for me, too?]

- ending feels a little too rushed, I get the poem, well I think I do, but I want to know why you/narrator feels this disdain, I've been told, but not shown, also as it stands, maybe without a more meaty last stanza, the rhetoric does not work for me, to loose.

Always good to see a post of yours, hope you are well.

thanks for the read

Best Regards

Vincent

[Jenifer]

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Nice to see you. 

I echo Vincent's suggestions.

I like this piece.  I'd maybe like to see a bit more development of the ending too.

Jen

[redperil]

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Hello Red

I echo some of Vincent and Jenifer's points, the only thing I'd add is...

dishes done. She's done a

having an ugly word like 'done' repeated in the same line I find careless- I also note that word pops up elsewhere. Other than that, I'd definitely work on the ending. However, there is a lot of promise in this, I presume this is perhaps scorn on your/a mother for giving up dreams/ambition/creative spirit to instead obtain a pristine home? Keep working at it, you're on the right path.

RP