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[Nick]

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I murdered roaches this morning
Gave them no warning
Went at 'em full on chemical warfare spray

1, 5, 15  the total number doesn't count
When I saw movement I fired

I am not prejudiced against
the species

but

when they came on my patch - occupied
my homeland...

A man must defend what
he is responsible for

I am responsible for
staying alive

I need this shelter

Not gonna surrender it to microbe vermin infested insects


I fight for my rights


I murdered roaches this morning

Not proud of it
Not ashamed

Duty needs doin' is all

[Nick]

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So what I'm wonderin' is does it need that comma in the last line?

[VickieSALT]

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the piece reads like flash poem. It is so unique that maybe you don't need that comma. You also don't need to associate the concern for the roaches - they are yucky and carry diseases, and their dandruff irritates or even causes asthma. If youy have a woman over - that might just lose the excitement before the yummy moment - wouldn't you want to stomp them out? - if she was me?

[Nick]

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Okay, Vickie, I removed comma. Gonna look at it later. Maybe last line could suffer restructure.

[Nick]

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I murdered roaches this morning
Gave them no warning
Went at 'em full on chemical warfare spray

1, 5, 15  the total number doesn't count
When I saw movement I fired

I am not prejudiced against
the species

but

when they came on my patch - occupied
my homeland...

A man must defend what
he is responsible for

I am responsible for
staying alive

I need this shelter

Not gonna surrender it to microbe vermin infested insects


I fight for my rights


I murdered roaches this morning

Not proud of it
Not ashamed

Duty needs doin' is all

So, Nick, I'm lookin' at this and seein' words and phrases that aren't usually associated with someone spraying a roach. Words and phrases such as "murdered, chemical warfare, homeland, duty and so on.


Is this piece, in subtle ways, allegorical with the war on terrorism?

[VickieSALT]

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it could be allegorical with the war on terror, and also with a terrorist point of view of being a freedom fighter. In our age of relative morals, the allegories would work in the same manner.

it could also be the song of a homeless man - defending his space under the stairs of a condemned building

[Nick]

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the song of a homeless man - defending his space under the stairs of a condemned building

I like this interpretation.

[Vincent Turner]

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I find the cockroach approach far more interesting than that of terrorism etc, the language employed is what I would want in regards to writing about killing roaches,
It could be read as a war on terrorism etc, but to be fair I am a little wearied about this now, and find the killing of roaches far more approachable, yet in saying that I also find Vickie's perception of the homeless man as very a interesting angle
Good to see a post of yours Nick

Best Regards

Vincent

[Nick]

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Thanks for your comments, Vincent.

In truth it was written in regard to an ongoing operation against the little critters.
Living in an eighty year old wood shack warmed by ninety degree temperatures seems to breed more than discomfort.

I do feel a concern for their demise (just sent another one off to I don't know where) yet I have this body (and my wife's) to keep safe from disease. Quite a quandary for a guy sensitive as I.

Maybe I picked the wrong life to stop drinking.
Ah well, too far down this road to turn back. Wonder what's up ahead just around the bend.


Duke is looking healthy.