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Father Luke
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« on: July 02, 2009, 06:56:19 AM » |
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Swallowed
by the day to day.
Floating farther, and further
from the shore.
A chance look.
Adrift.
Too far from nowhere.--------------- I've been experimenting with an objectivity. I did this. They did that. She, he, him, the postman's dog... If a pome has something to say, metaphorically -- and why write posey without metaphor? -- then write the thing and leave the ego out of the fucker. Anyway, it's an experiment. That's all. - - Okay, Father Luke
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"The castigation of fools is, of course, an ancient and honorable task of writers and, unless very poorly done, an enterprise that will usually entertain those who behold it." ~ Richard Mitchell |
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Tobacco
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« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2009, 07:03:13 AM » |
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crybaby me a>
quack blah, bla bla crybaby me blah blah blah quack bla blub bla < bla > bla? blah blah I blah to bla on my quack to blah crybaby me ing in.
[blub]blah blub bla crybaby me a />bla blub bla bla bla of bla quack.[/blub]
crybaby me ely. I quack't blah crybaby me ed blah quack. It's an blah blub crybaby me crybaby me s of blub crybaby me . blah blub crybaby me blah is crybaby me blah blah bla blub.
blah crybaby me ent is blub crybaby me , bla blah blah blub, oh, blah.
I bla't blub bla blub blub blah.
crybaby me g, crybaby me ed, crybaby me a, quack. blub bla blah blub blub, blah crybaby me ed, bla crybaby me ] crybaby me r, I quack blub's crybaby me ng blah bla quack blub.
'A quack blah.'
blah blub be a crybaby me ul blub, a blub blub, blah bla blah blah of blah blub, bla crybaby me blub, 'bla crybaby me blub,' bla... a quack blah at blah?
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Y crybaby me ome crybaby me ast
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Father Luke
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« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2009, 07:08:25 AM » |
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but... a chance look at what?
Exactly. Or away from, or to... I wanted to write: Upa chance look up, because the cubicles, and the traffic, the computer all keep the focus away from... What? I'll come back to it. Thanks mucho. |
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"The castigation of fools is, of course, an ancient and honorable task of writers and, unless very poorly done, an enterprise that will usually entertain those who behold it." ~ Richard Mitchell |
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Jenifer
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« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2009, 12:47:55 PM » |
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leaving the ego out, while popular among a certain set and certainly trendy, has always been overrated as far as i'm concerned. leave the sentimentality out, sure. but each poem, being unique, requires it's own unique formula. poetry is not math. and it is possible for the poem itself to be the metaphor. we're going to have fun here. i can tell. |
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Father Luke
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« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2009, 02:24:23 PM » |
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Well, check this out: DrowningWe get swallowed up in
the day by day
floating father and farther
from the shore until
we look around
adrift too far
from
nowhere |
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"The castigation of fools is, of course, an ancient and honorable task of writers and, unless very poorly done, an enterprise that will usually entertain those who behold it." ~ Richard Mitchell |
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Jenifer
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« Reply #5 on: July 02, 2009, 02:43:23 PM » |
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or possibly: Looking Upswallowed up in the day by day we float farther and farther from the shore until adrift too far from nowhere (i'll take my punishment in private, please.) |
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jennymeehan
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« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2009, 02:48:50 PM » |
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"Swallowed by the day to day." I liked this expression as it is. It hit my imagination, maybe that's the virtue of such a kind of writing. It doesn't draw the picture for me, but the mind makes its own drawing from word to word. I'm probably writing a load of tosh, but it's relaxing! I wallow I see a swallow I see it in one day and the next all these things came to mind yeah, I think I have lost it! never mind, it's fun! Jenny |
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Tobacco
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« Reply #7 on: July 02, 2009, 11:42:27 PM » |
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« Last Edit: July 02, 2009, 11:48:26 PM by Undernether »
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Y crybaby me me bla crybaby me me bla
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MsWizard
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« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2009, 04:56:59 PM » |
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Swallowed
by the day to day.
Floating farther, and further
from the shore.
A chance look.
Adrift.
Too far from nowhere.
---------------
I've been experimenting with
an objectivity.
I did this.
They did that.
She, he, him, the postman's dog...
If a pome has something to say,
metaphorically -- and why write posey
without metaphor? -- then write the thing
and leave the ego out of the fucker.
Anyway, it's an experiment.
That's all.
- -
Okay,
Father Luke
How do you leave ego out of something you've given birth to (figuratively speaking of course)? |
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I change myself, I change the world
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Father Luke
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« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2009, 05:13:58 PM » |
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Having a narrator instead of making it biographical would accomplish that. Palahniuk has a tip he calls submerging the I. Too many writers use I in everything. I was going to the bar and I was looking at her and It was a hot day and I. . . Look at this piece I wrote: http://fatherluke.com/it-s-just-the-popcornLook for instances of "I". But yeah. To answer your question, a narrator would accomplish that. I want to expand beyond thinking that my words are something great. I want them to be great, and the only way to do that is to write without inserting my ego. To write well. It's something worth working towards in my humble opinion. Hope that helps. - - Okay, Father Luke |
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"The castigation of fools is, of course, an ancient and honorable task of writers and, unless very poorly done, an enterprise that will usually entertain those who behold it." ~ Richard Mitchell |
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MsWizard
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« Reply #10 on: July 05, 2009, 05:18:26 PM » |
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Having a narrator instead of making it biographical would accomplish that. Palahniuk has a tip he calls submerging the I. Too many writers use I in everything. I was going to the bar and I was looking at her and It was a hot day and I. . . Look at this piece I wrote: http://fatherluke.com/it-s-just-the-popcornLook for instances of "I". But yeah. To answer your question, a narrator would accomplish that. I want to expand beyond thinking that my words are something great. I want them to be great, and the only way to do that is to write without inserting my ego. To write well. It's something worth working towards in my humble opinion. Hope that helps. - - Okay, Father Luke Yeah. Actually that does help thank you. I'm working on something for yet another "challenge" and I think it would be bettered by removing the "I". One thing I wont thank you for though~I used to love movie popcorn. USED TO being the key words here......lol.... |
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I change myself, I change the world
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Carterofmars
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« Reply #11 on: July 05, 2009, 08:43:13 PM » |
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Well, check this out:
Drowning
We get swallowed up in
the day by day
floating father and farther
from the shore until
we look around
adrift too far
from
nowhere
How about day to day rather than day by day. |
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« Last Edit: July 05, 2009, 08:43:54 PM by Carterofmars »
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“There is nothing as mysterious as a fact clearly described. I photograph to see what something will look like photographed.” -Garry Winogrand http://poetryinglass.blogspot.com/ |
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Father Luke
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« Reply #12 on: July 05, 2009, 09:29:53 PM » |
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I won't listen unless you say: WhyHow about that |
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"The castigation of fools is, of course, an ancient and honorable task of writers and, unless very poorly done, an enterprise that will usually entertain those who behold it." ~ Richard Mitchell |
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Carterofmars
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« Reply #13 on: July 05, 2009, 10:18:19 PM » |
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I won't listen unless you say:
Why
How about that
just 'cause. |
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“There is nothing as mysterious as a fact clearly described. I photograph to see what something will look like photographed.” -Garry Winogrand http://poetryinglass.blogspot.com/ |
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Father Luke
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« Reply #14 on: July 05, 2009, 10:27:07 PM » |
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That needs proper capitalization. It needs proper capitalization because people who read generally tend to rely upon an agreed upon set of standards. So, when I say day by day I mean day by day and not day to day. Day by day is more casual, and implies a passing of time. Day to day is sequential, and means something else entirely. Any other wise-ass comments? Because I don't listen to critics who want to rewrite my work to suit their Neanderthal whims. I hope that is understood, as I would hate to humilate you further.
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"The castigation of fools is, of course, an ancient and honorable task of writers and, unless very poorly done, an enterprise that will usually entertain those who behold it." ~ Richard Mitchell |
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