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[danny fahey]

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None of us
speak of you.

None of us
mention your name
in telephone conversations.

We are planning the second Christmas
where you will not be welcomed.

Last Christmas
I took two hours out of the day to visit the police station
and see the pictures your perversion
had crafted. I returned pale, sat in my car out the front,
heard the music and wept. I knew
nothing could ever be the same between us.

We hide the truth of  you
from our mother - at eighty-three
she does not need, we seem
to have agreed (silently as always),
the truth of this relationship
so soured the European wasps feast
on the fallen fruit.

None of us
have a picture of you framed
and resting on the mantelpiece;
your smile that we now know hid
the sting in this tale is hidden in a drawer
or tossed into the rubbish bin
and lies cresting on a wave
of other discarded refuse.

I have not mentioned your name to my children
for seventeen months now
and I doubt
I ever voluntarily will.

 

[dhyan (U.F.)]

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hey danny
i like it. i mainly liked the first three and the fifth strophes. the feelings come through.
i think some of it could be made more disturbing, though i would not know how to do that

the last strophe is some kind of repeating the opening and i am not sure if is adds or i would be "happier" to finish without it.

We hide the truth of  you
from our mother - at eighty-three
she does not need, we seem
to have agreed (silently as always),
the truth of this relationship
so soured the European wasps feast
on the fallen fruit.

  this part is more unclear to me. i mean i understand it but it reads, to me, a bit strangely. from the mother to the wasps it confused me rather than adding anything
but it is only me, only now

[Corndog]

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I stopped giving my views to poets who simply present their poems and then don't have the courtesy to even acknowledge your comments.

[Father Luke]

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I've been taught that the first line is vital to any piece of writing.

None of us
speak of you.

Like that one.



Someone went so far as to say that they could tell, right away, if something was
going to be short or long just by reading the first line.

I think the reason that's true is something I've learned to call "unpacking". When
you "unpack" something, you reveal, slowly -- like unpacking -- all there is to know
about something.

You've a fine poem here, Danny Boy.

I don't see anything I can do to improve, or suggest for you.


Very nice to see your writing again.


 

[Olaf]

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This is severe. I like it. Harsh.

I want to know

the pictures your perversion
had crafted

Maybe I'm playing dumb, or just want to be hit over the head here, but what pictures of perversion had beemn crafted? Porn? Of what variety - the most forbidden?

Great poem. A severe, tightly zipped poem of abandoning someone who has perhaps crossed over a sacred boundary.

[redperil]

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I love this Danny.

My only reservation is 'voluntarily'. I feel like it slightly jars. Maybe reposition it for extra oomph...

I ever will, voluntarily.

In fact, thinking about it some more, I don't really like its use at all. It's like you feel the need to add a disclaimer. You know, they will never tell their kids, but if asked then they may have to. Is that needed?

It'd be nice to hear your thoughts

[danny fahey]

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thanks all and just when i think I'm moving on more shit happens.

Police called yesterday - trial delayed again..sorry it's gotten raw again.

as for the images Olaf - my brother took photos of my daughter and her cousin and then digitally erased the clothes and put himself in the image and did a few other things.

Luckily the girls have no idea

Being not so fortunate, I had to view the images for identification.

My family has a long history of this shit and the shit just keeps on keeping on.

[Olaf]

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thanks all and just when i think I'm moving on more shit happens.

Police called yesterday - trial delayed again..sorry it's gotten raw again.

as for the images Olaf - my brother took photos of my daughter and her cousin and then digitally erased the clothes and put himself in the image and did a few other things.

Luckily the girls have no idea

Being not so fortunate, I had to view the images for identification.

My family has a long history of this shit and the shit just keeps on keeping on.

Jesus Christ, that's tough! I hope you can pull through this shit. And that your brother is getting lots and lots of mental help.



Glad you wrote about this,Dan, worthwhile.

[wael_nawara]

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I like it very much. Packed with true emotions.

I am intrigued of why you decided to use the plural with "none of us" (have, speak mention) as opposed to singular (has, speaks, mentions) ... both uses are perfectly OK, I understand ... but why did you decide to use the Plural rather than the singular ...

None of us
speak of you.

None of us
mention your name

snip ....

None of us
have a picture of you framed

Also, I agree with the notion that omitting "voluntarily" below could be a plus ....

...

I ever voluntarily will.

 

Sorry to hear of the real events and personal suffering behind the piece ...

Thanks for sharing ...


Best Regards

W

[danny fahey]

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ta all

the plural is for the 'us' of siblings. The other 6 of us, the several of us touched in our own ways.

the voluntarily is an attempt to show the disconnection. The names of my siblings are a part of me, fall from my lips easily. Not his though, No longer. It still comes up, through questions, through others, but every single time I must mention his name I feel the barb. I'd rather avoid that if I could - that's the idea behind voluntarily.

[Vincent Turner]

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Like rogers latest post this is a deeply personal poem, however it does not push the reader away, with or without your explanation the poem is easy to access. I think it also works as I can relate to the problem with siblings and how despite bieng of the same blood it does not mean they will act appropriately towards you. I too am sorry to hear of your recent troubles and hope you and your family pull through, I hope this poem has in some way helped with your pain, as I know poetry does that for me, and helps me, for the most part stay away from the liquour. Always good to read your work.

Best regards

Vincent

[blueridgewriter]

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Well worded emotion Danny! my only crit is perhaps omiting "European", feel its just not needed in the line.

[Father Luke]

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Good point, blueridgewriter.

[danny fahey]

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Thanks for the replies

European has a particular (and nasty) connotation here is Australia that I would be loathe to lose. 

[Father Luke]

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That's interesting, Danny. You mean it's sort of a slur?
Like telling Pollack jokes.