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22085 Posts in 2155 Topics- by 216 Members - Latest Member: TrudaHannah

May, 22, 2012 - Loading...
LiteraryMaryWriting and Random Creativity Workshops Poetry and LyricsI Am Like You
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Author Topic: I Am Like You  (Read 310 times)
Eidolon
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« on: February 22, 2011, 10:14:30 PM »


I am like you.
Sometimes I spin  the world
with an eye-closed whirl.

I point and touch the ripples of a pink continent.
I fill my carry-ons with fear
and return with the seasons as a souvenir.

I taste the Florida in oranges.
I smell green waves of the South China Sea
with every mug of tea.

Fall from the sky with me.
Where we land the earth is new.
I am like you.

Sometimes you say, let’s hide beneath this forest.
It is dark and the wind blows
through the fields where no one goes.

Tonight, let’s take shelter in moon shadows.
Let our eyes be either closed or locked
let our company be dead wood and living rock.

Tomorrow we will walk to a new village
enter like a circus in a small box
leave shoes at the door, make friends in our socks.

Our photo albums will be filled with mirrors.
We will use coat pegs for hanging our full hearts
each warm dessert will be a failed new start.

You are like me.
Sometimes you see our coasts as razor wire
and try to put out waterbuckets with fire.

You chase gravediggers at night
and fill their holes with poems
about soldiers coming home.

We will come home someday too.
There will be much eye contact with you
and dancing when we do.

I will carry you through the door.
The space inside will seem like too much
on the day we will first touch.

You will be sleepy from the sound of rain.
When the morning fog is new
I’ll whisper again, I am like you.
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When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea
procreant desire and tendency.
 
Sana
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« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2011, 10:49:03 AM »


I like this poem very much! new perspective. no critiques to offer.

Sana
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Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question
To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"

T.S. Eliot
--
Philo
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Butters


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« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2011, 11:57:43 PM »


Nice. Gives me a sense of longing to return, and worry about what the lovers will discover when it comes. About what has changed, and what remains the same. In both of them.

Pretty structure for a love note. I was tempted to re-read again, but just the first lines in each stanza. I think I'll do that after I post my response. -Philo
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Vincent Turner
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« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2011, 05:50:48 AM »



I want to offer you something useful.

Yet all I can say, is this is great. I really enjoyed the read, and think its one of the best poems I have read for some time.

Hope that's useful enough,

Best Regards

Vincent
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“Human misery must somewhere have a stop; there is no wind that always blows a storm”.

Euripides
angelicgemini
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« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2011, 05:39:06 PM »


Okay, I have to say what my father said, if you find no wrong, no need for criticising.  It is amazing, the flow and imagery, it all comes together as if all becomes one.  I love it, the only thing that I might say that is okay, but I might be nitpicky is the title.  I know this is a love poem.  But the title seems like it might be a cliche poem if I read it.  But you don't have to take my advice, I might be and probably be wrong.
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