Okay, now I get your intent.
Originality is always cool. Coloring outside the lines has some usefulness. In this case prefacing at the ending with a quote.
Consider how your piece could be presented on a book page.
Of His Wife
if he had not sung
of our Swan Lake duet
she could have been my understudy
I do not know if you want a particular syllable count. What I am attempting to illustrate here is a portable package while keeping the original elements.
The three u vowels on end words are intentional. They double entendre the reader. Engenders a subliminal avenue of involvement.
The line lengths are also about increasing movement with the last one as a reacher.
The non cap beginnings are for uniformity and meant to infer a casual presentation of the message.
The font type and size is consistant with the surrounding font type and size to allow a reader to focus on the work itself.
Not lookin' to rewrite you, Vickie. Simply trying to show and tell my thoughts regarding your current presentation style.
