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LiteraryMaryWriting and Random Creativity Workshops Poetry and LyricsMoon-Sea-Womb-Life: A Quilt of Metaphors
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Author Topic: Moon-Sea-Womb-Life: A Quilt of Metaphors  (Read 333 times)
ReccyV
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« on: January 15, 2010, 09:46:15 PM »


In June,
the moon and her sister
were stitched by a Mother God;
Basket-weave hair that stuck
the two together: their hands
their feet.

Umbilical lungs that pumped
steady; rubber punching bags,
bronchi knitting thread to latex to flesh.

On their tenth birthday,
they made themselves heart-shaped boxes--
pistachio felt and pregnant
with scissors.

The damsel blue moon
flared bone white while
the sun sank from red to yellow to
a shade just darker than her sister-face.

And the people bellow
count supernova beads--
a Rosary to the Lupercal
demanding lamb-heart blood
for their respective gods.

and We, the countless
lover gemini
spill milk upon the ground
growing bean-stalks to the sky.

Gilded, forever to climb
and seal our twin-lips to
that crook between each-other's neck;
unique as the fingerprints
we made on window pane!

"It's just one cut."
__________________

Four coral actors,
dressed in aqua, plastic and
mouth-pieces on their face
cast summer salts to the depths,
dragging the bodies of all
Whales; waxy mounds that leak
ink and wooden puppets;
fools to dance the
accordion flash:
a maternity ward's
sodium light brigade
Beethoven in Luftwaffe Minor.

A birth cry hooks like harpoons
against ambergris skies,
bleed parfum sweetness
like a daughter's first period.

The blood blooms orchid petals:
a dress of fish-spine to fold
her eggs back inward,
eat the heads like caviar
and bury pearls in the sand.

While, hollow chested,
my eye's arms turn toward the sky;
and enfold the blind fish-child
in the marble-bit whiteness--
clarity and serene cloudscapes
of a Hemingway novella.

--------------
The wind hurdles knives that
carve stone and shape the shell cottage
nestled against the rocking sea--
and a cradle inside turns with the
tides, pulls a moon-rock mobile and giggles.

Steps of tuna toes mock the spirits,
biting toast and spitting foam
down a white djinn's mouth;
one who empties it's guts into the sea:
diaper-gulls that coat a Block-wood ship.

And the giggles--
flashing daguerrotypes; (Cap'n) Nemo on a big-screen--
they fall like pearls from a clam-flesh tongue:
oyster sheen around the toothless disposal.

-Click-Smile!

____________
« Last Edit: January 15, 2010, 09:48:13 PM by ReccyV » Logged

"...and break with my knuckle the jaws of the dumb."
 
Jenifer
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« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2010, 10:34:48 PM »


Hello there.

First off, I am wondering what this poem is trying to say.

Because it is certainly full of beautiful images and metaphor, but I'm longing for more than that.  Do you want your reader to just take with them a bunch of beautiful images and metaphor?  If that is your intention, you have succeeded.

If there is something larger you are attempting to say, you need to give your reader something to grasp, something to hold onto, something to focus on in the watercolor beauty that surrounds it.

What say you?

Jenifer
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red_sparrow
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« Reply #2 on: February 02, 2010, 04:28:20 PM »


i really love this.

but one thing i have to say is that it it's a tad long.

however, it is breathtaking. i too don't know what it's trying to say, but by the end of the poem it doesn't really matter. my guess would just be that it is a mythical, dreamy representation of nature. perhaps here, we can juxtapose nature with art, and where the two have always been at war with one another (e.g. nature supposing natural, while art supposing artificial) here they beautifully co-mingle. you have fashioned (quite artfully) a kind of visual garden--the world as ordered and beautiful, as a product both of nature AND of art.

i love this poem so much, though, that i'd REALLY like to see it reworked. i mean seriously. and by re-worked i mean just take out a few stanzas and make it shorter.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2010, 04:29:15 PM by red_sparrow » Logged
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