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22085 Posts in 2155 Topics- by 216 Members - Latest Member: TrudaHannah

May, 22, 2012 - Loading...
LiteraryMaryWriting and Random Creativity Workshops Poetry and LyricsNight and Day, or TNT. Haiku.
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Author Topic: Night and Day, or TNT. Haiku.  (Read 276 times)
VickieSALT
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« on: April 22, 2011, 08:27:59 AM »

After night with man
I need latte, croissant and
cuddly day with you.


written for TNT: Nae and Toscano and me, Tori.   
« Last Edit: April 23, 2011, 03:14:58 PM by VickieSALT » Logged
 
Nick
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« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2011, 09:04:08 AM »

Suggest you try posting your stuff in black. Believe it will import crisper against existing background shade.
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A story derives from the writer's perceptive observation and careful report of scene and from structural discipline.
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Vincent Turner
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« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2011, 04:28:47 PM »

I like this.

but did want to read it as cuddle day rather than cuddly day.

good to read your work

not much else to add

Best Regards

Vincent
« Last Edit: April 23, 2011, 03:30:19 AM by Vincent Turner » Logged
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VickieSALT
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« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2011, 03:16:34 PM »

thank you for the color correction.

"cuddly" somehow feels cozy for me, vs.  cuddle day, which for me feels like a day designated for cuddles, rather than spontaneous cuddles

also, "cuddle" would press me to have an additional syllable elsewhere on the line,
« Last Edit: April 23, 2011, 03:26:18 PM by VickieSALT » Logged
cowsgomoo
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« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2011, 08:01:12 PM »

It is cute, and I agree cuddly seems more, spontaneous as to were cuddle day seems far too proper. But I guess to each their own. I love spontaneous things, mostly...
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VickieSALT
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« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2011, 09:28:44 AM »

thank you. it is so nice to meet men who love such basic elements of emotional satisfaction. I am also agonizing over how to incorporate more classic haiku elements, like an implication of a season, an element of nature...etc.

I would like to start writing my blog entirely in haikus, instead of a usual narrative. Sometimes i illustrate an image with haiku, and that puts me on a tricycle of sorts.
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