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22086 Posts in 2156 Topics- by 216 Members - Latest Member: TrudaHannah

May, 23, 2012 - Loading...
LiteraryMaryWriting and Random Creativity Workshops Poetry and LyricsNot sure if this is allowed.
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Author Topic: Not sure if this is allowed.  (Read 241 times)
cowsgomoo
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« on: May 09, 2011, 08:17:03 PM »


If this type of writing is not allowed I apologize.  I was not sure if you picked through songs or not.  It does say lyrics but I am not entirely certain. . .

So This is

Where have we come from, where are we going?
What does it amount to in its fullest.
Days gone by, here nor there.
We wait in this self defeating cycle of waste.
Like a light in its dying day, we all just fade away.
Were have all the days of heroism and self sacrifice gone?
We left it all behind just to fill a status quo.
Sad as it is to me, harder times are coming.
Let this world break free, and finally stop the running.
Give into choice, not into whats chosen.

So this is the way it is, please yourself fuck everyone else.
So this is the way it is, follow blindly to slaughter.
So this is the way it is, let them fall into sacrifice.

Guide us to our pariah, let the fools shine in the light.
Form nothing yourself, conform to what is in.
Drop to the floor, burn it into your palms.
Follow blind, don't ask questions.
Let your ignorance guide you, in a sense of false hope.

So this is the way it is, don't tell that child to read.
So this is the way it is, forget the poor and feed the rich.
So this is the way it is, take what you will leave none for some.

Fall into a coma, of self hatred.
Take another pill, become self medicated.
Forget whats true, don't seek guidance.
Believe what you will, but this is it.
America at its finest. . . so this is. . .
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Jenifer
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« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2011, 09:17:15 PM »


I don't know why it wouldn't be allowed.  Everything is allowed pretty much.  Sort of.  But this is certainly allowed. 

So what are you looking for in the way of critique?
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cowsgomoo
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« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2011, 09:19:21 PM »


Anything you can say really.  Hate it, Love it? Whatever it may be, I am just looking for anything truly.
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Jenifer
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« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2011, 09:29:20 PM »


For me, it is vague.  It asks a lot of questions.  Where do we come from where do we go?  Well, those questions have been posed by many people many times.  I would like to see you reflected in this piece, not just age old questions. 

That's where I'd start.

Jen
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cowsgomoo
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« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2011, 09:55:35 PM »


Yeah it is a little corny Tongue, but I wrote it in 5 minutes when the idea came to me. I could revise a few parts, the questions thing just lead to the statements below. Such as don't teach that child to read. They are questions being answered without an answer in a sense. But I get where you are going, being as those questions have been continuously asked through the ages by many, men and women. I guess where I was going with it is trying to write down my thoughts in song form, the way I feel about how my country (being as not everyone here is American) treats out problems in a day to day basis. Being as just about everything in our country can be broken down to a simple dice throw. Thank you very much for your critique I appreciate it, it is hard enough to find anyone who won't just tell me its a magnificent piece and the only thing wrong with it is punctuation and the like. So I truly truly appreciate your input.
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