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22086 Posts in 2156 Topics- by 216 Members - Latest Member: TrudaHannah

May, 23, 2012 - Loading...
LiteraryMaryWriting and Random Creativity Workshops Poetry and LyricsRain
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Author Topic: Rain  (Read 182 times)
Vincent Turner
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« on: May 19, 2011, 04:25:16 PM »


We'd kept them prisoner for three days
blaming the relentless applause of rain.

Like cattle at the grills of a gate
they sat, face against window

waiting for the clap of water
to fade. Noses smudged against

the beaded pane they challenged.
Stating cows and calf's

spent days naked in the rain,
but they never sneezed.

On the second morning of captivity
they agreed in the privacy of thier

cell a hunger strike was the only way.
It began after breakfast, ended

shortly before lunch. We tried games
scrabble and eye-spy but every word

was a please, a when, or a why.
Mostly they stared at the clouds

willing them to end their dark hovering.
How guilty we'd felt, watching

them place bets on rain drops,
the first to snail

the window would win. Or at night
when from their beds they'd offer

their souls to God, promising never
to argue with each other again.

The holiday ended as it began
awash with rain and relief.

Many years on it is I who watches
the heavy crowd of clouds, pacing

the piss stinking corridors of a
nursing home, waiting for one

of them to call and tell me the
trip to the seaside is a no go,

as the rain is for the day
and my chest is not what it was.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2011, 06:24:28 AM by Vincent Turner » Logged

“Human misery must somewhere have a stop; there is no wind that always blows a storm”.

Euripides
 
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« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2011, 12:26:13 AM »


I love this one.  Incredible narrative!  Stunning work!

The only thing that bothered me was how the term "no go" didn't seem to fit with the language around it.  Also, the title does not draw me in.  It's a case of the-poem-is-way-better-than-the-title.  A very common case, but very curable!
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"La vérité jaillira de l'apparente injustice."
Albert Camus
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