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22086 Posts in 2156 Topics- by 216 Members - Latest Member: TrudaHannah

May, 23, 2012 - Loading...
LiteraryMaryWriting and Random Creativity Workshops Poetry and LyricsSexual practices of crazy ants.
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Author Topic: Sexual practices of crazy ants.  (Read 442 times)
Olaf
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« on: January 28, 2010, 08:24:37 AM »

I'm in the sexual health clinic
with all the other shaggers,
it's a fair crowd.

We have to wait for hours
because of the number of people
and it serves as a warning
not to have sex to often
with cockroaches
because you can
be made to wait
for two hours
and in waiting
contend with  
the headache of
artificial light
and the disease
of artificial love.

Clean bill of health,
mind you. I'll be out
again tonight
looking for love
in the darkest
of corners,
looking for a firm
buttock with my
name on it.

Waiting for God
to arrive
to give us all
a good seeing to.

X


copycat poems
for dead cats.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2010, 04:39:42 PM by Olaf » Logged
Do not confuse ingenuous with ingenious - Olaf

Dedicated to bad writing - Charles Bukowski

'A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.' - James Joyce

The man that cannot visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot -Andre Breton

Who has the courage to go into the dark places where there is nothing but feeling? - Thomas A. Clark

'For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open and every secret should be brought to the light. Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.' - Mark 4:22-23

Many a clever boy is flogged into a dunce and many an original composition corrected into mediocrity- Sir Walter Scott
 
Vincent Turner
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« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2010, 08:48:56 AM »

i'm in the sexual health clinic
with all the other shaggers,
it's a fair crowd.

i really like the language you used here... it's a fair crowd.. something blase about it... it works.

The rest of the poem is nice to, it reads well, and has a comical tone to it.

I dont know if this is a poem in which i will remember for some time, but for a little afternoon relief ( no pun intended) it works well.

whats the last little bit about... copycat poems for dead cats... i am presuming that its not part of the poem... maybe a message for someone???

best regards
V
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“Human misery must somewhere have a stop; there is no wind that always blows a storm”.

Euripides
Jenifer
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« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2010, 10:58:57 AM »

You use crowd twice in fairly close proximity, but it doesn't really bother.

The last word 'too' only needs one 'o'.

Other than that, a tidy piece that says a lot without saying too much.

Jen
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red_sparrow
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« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2010, 11:59:01 AM »

i really do like it. there's a certain honesty to your work that is quite brilliant.
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Olaf
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« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2010, 05:23:49 PM »

Cheers red. Do you have facebook? I'm curious to find you.

I write a lot eh, most terrible, if not all. I like this. It's straight to the point. I can be so long winded, so obscure, so terrible. I keep having to remind myself I can't write that well. Not to take myself too seriously.

Glad you heard an honest tone.

May the trees near you
be filled with nests of birds
that sing out of tune
and wake you in the morning.
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Do not confuse ingenuous with ingenious - Olaf

Dedicated to bad writing - Charles Bukowski

'A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.' - James Joyce

The man that cannot visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot -Andre Breton

Who has the courage to go into the dark places where there is nothing but feeling? - Thomas A. Clark

'For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open and every secret should be brought to the light. Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.' - Mark 4:22-23

Many a clever boy is flogged into a dunce and many an original composition corrected into mediocrity- Sir Walter Scott
red_sparrow
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« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2010, 08:36:23 PM »

Quote from: Olaf on February 03, 2010, 05:23:49 PM
Cheers red. Do you have facebook? I'm curious to find you.

I write a lot eh, most terrible, if not all. I like this. It's straight to the point. I can be so long winded, so obscure, so terrible. I keep having to remind myself I can't write that well. Not to take myself too seriously.

Glad you heard an honest tone.

May the trees near you
be filled with nests of birds
that sing out of tune
and wake you in the morning.



i do have facebook, olaf! i'd be happy to add you Smiley

lol MAY the birds sing me tunes in the morning.  beautiful.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2010, 08:37:06 PM by red_sparrow » Logged
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