Something Brilliant To See
It seemed
Why '
to me'?
Because the poem is about me. I can see that I state that clearly with the line about the mud, though. Duly noted.
to me
pointless
to wipe the mud
from my eyes,
though it weighed on me
terribly.
For what good
is sight
when the skies
and the seas
are no longer shining
Because maybe they're shining for someone besides me.
Do you mean for someone, or for yourself. It jars me
out of the lull of the poetry, such as it is.
Trudging
through filth
and over landscapes
I think you meant to say comprised.
If not, then let me suggest it may stand better than...
composed
of every
vile shade
of green,
it never even once
dawned on me
that the end
was quite within reach.
No, I meant composed. To me, composed has a sense of things being artfully arranged. 'Comprised' seems much more mundane. Perhaps it is the more appropriate word in terms of grammar and rules, but after considering it (which I hadn't before your recommendation), I definitely prefer 'composed'.
It's as if to say 'in light of these facts'. I was unsure of phrasing it in this way, and welcome any suggestions.
But I know that the sun
and the stars
are aligned
with the dirt
which
Lies and Lays:
http://www.grammarcheck.com/archives/07-2005.htm Read it.
lays under
my feet,
and my eyes remain closed
until this world
finally gives me
something brilliant to see.
Grammar corrections are always beyond welcome... consider it corrected.
You are a guy who is a man, Father. Remind me to buy you a sandwich or something else sometime. I would offer a whiskey, but I just had more than plenty.
Writing and Random Creativity Workshops 
