next »

[Olaf]

Tweet

When will families dance around a strawberry like a bonfire?
Only when the last fruit has been picked from the last tree;
How unreasonable. Distribute all strawberries immediately
onto the grass, let the dew cling to them like the residue
of a wet kiss. When the children and the wives and the
husbands have awoken, the strawberries will be giant.
The families will dance like there was no yesterday and
is no tomorrow, infinity being only one day in summer
that everyone is able to enjoy, without hand grenades
falling from the branches.











Don't ask.

[Sana]

Tweet

Alright, I love strawberries. They are my favorite fruit.

But you employed interesting creativity and invented a story out of your poem!

Nice little work!

[Jenifer]

Tweet

I agree with Sana.  Excellent job of getting creative.  I'm jealous.

My only advice would be to go through with fine tooth comb and remove anything unnecessary. 

Jen

[unpetitfauve]

Tweet

I really love your work.

My favorite image was "hand grenades falling from the branches."  The French word for pomegranate is grenade, so I find this image very clever. 

[redperil]

Tweet

Good write Mr Olaf. I'm reading Ferlinghetti's surreal collection 'Coney Island of the Mind' at the moment, so I'm in the right frame of mind for this.

One tiny correction...

...last tree;
How...

You don't need to capitalize after a semi-colon.

Yesterday in the supermarket, some guy started telling me I should eat sunfower seeds to protect my prostate. I know this guy. He drank himself onto the streets. He told me that as men have less sex after 50 their prostate becomes vulnerable. He told me that strawberries can also help. Given their phallic shape, this amused me. At the till he tried to scrounge a few coins, but as it turned out, he had more money in his pocket than me. He didn't buy strawberries, or sunflower seeds, and neither did I. This morning I urinated with aplomb and thanked God my strawberry still gets the occasional stoll in the meadow.

p.s did my lazy illustrating mate get back to you with regard to doing some drawings for your work? If not let me know and I'll give him a nudge. 

[Ġakbu]

Tweet

Olaf,

I really like this poem; imagery has a great sort of fauna building through it; sure, this poem works I think because it is packed like a small strawberry is with taste. Must say though, that I was reminded immediately (perhaps because of the shape and length) of Dylan Thomas's poem 'Was There a Time'.

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/was-there-a-time/

Cheers,

Gakbu

[Olaf]

Tweet

Must say though, that I was reminded immediately (perhaps because of the shape and length) of Dylan Thomas's poem 'Was There a Time'.

Quite like that poem actually. Never heard of it or read it until now. It isn't necessarily a bad thing to make an association. Mind you, both poems are very different, of course, ultimately, my poem is shit, and Thomas' is quality.

Keep on rioting
against the dull mind.

[Professor Riffs]

Tweet

One of my favorite pieces I've seen on this site.  Good damn work.